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AuthorCEO Coach |
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December 2023
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Real (The Power of Authentic Connection) by Catherine and Duane O'Kane has the potential to transform what it means to be a human being by giving us a structure to come home to ourselves forever. If the CEOs learn to authentically connect with themselves and with people in their organizations; unimaginable productivity, performance, creativity, innovation and profitability will be unleashed. It is the CEO on an inner journey of personal transformation who will have the courage to lead his / her business on a journey from good to great. If business excellence be the house, leadership depth is the foundation on which the house is built. Running a business is an opportunity to be on the path of personal mastery. As the leader at the helm learns, grows and evolves; so does the business because the organization invariably mirrors the strengths and weaknesses of the CEO. This book has had a profound impact on the way I run my businesses, how I coach, my relationship with my parents, sisters, spouse, kids, clients and myself. It has been a tipping point on my journey to myself. All the work that I had done on myself up until prior (and I have done some massive inner work on myself) had me intellectually understand and be aware of how the 'suspicion of self' was playing out in my life. It is only on reading the book and doing the self-application that the jigsaw pieces fell in place with clarity that I hadn't seen before. I am standing taller than I have ever stood in my life. Much gratitude to Catherine and Duane for your vulnerability, authenticity and courage to share your work and your life with the world through a book. You both made a difference to my life. I recommend that the book be read from start to end to do the work to come home to yourself. Here are a few excerpts from the book: 1. Human beings are happier, healthier and live longer when we have strong relationships. We are at our best when we are living a connected life, surrounded by people we love and care about. 2. The lack of authentic connection permeates the very fabric of how we organize ourselves in the modern world. It explains and contributes more to our personal malaise, work issues, high divorce rates, mental illness, and physical sickness than any other factor. 3. We aren't avoiding each other because of the problems. We have problems because we are avoiding each other. We aren't separate because of the wars. We have wars because we are separate. 4. Connection gives meaning and purpose to our lives. We all want to belong, to love, and be loved. 5. Just as fitness is a by-product of exercise, happiness is a by-product of loving, relational action. 6. There is nothing to fear, because we belong and are good enough as we are. 7. The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large scale revolution until there's personal revolution, on an individual level. It's got to happen inside first. - Jim Morrison 8. We prefer to see the problem as something outside ourselves, therefore the solution must be outside ourselves as well. Therein lies the dilemma. If the problem and the solution are outside of self, then we are doomed to be victims of the effects of external causes ultimately beyond our control. If the problem and the solution are within, then we can change. 9. How you connect is the strongest determinant of how you feel, and how you connect exerts a powerful influence on all those around you. 10. We cannot not communicate. Connection is active all the time, with every thought, every word, every action. Not communicating is communicating. We are communicating all the time and are connected all the time. There are no neutral moments or situations. Every time we actively communicate, there are two levels to that communication: there is the content or literal message, but underlying that is a relationship message that is conveyed mostly non-verbally, through body language, facial expression and tone of voice. In terms of the impact of a communication on the receiver, the content of the message is worth about 20% of the communication, while the relationship level is responsible for 80%. The relationship message always overrides the content: you cannot lie at a relationship level. What you are really feeling always comes through, and when what you say with your words doesn't match the relationship message, people will respond to the relationship message. … We are impacting others all the time with what we believe about self, other and the world… … Thoughts and beliefs such as these are not neutral, dormant, sitting by themselves on an island inside my head. They are active as hell - or heaven. These are the thoughts and beliefs that I brought … before I met you. They are eager to prove themselves. 11. The difficulties we experience in life, which are ultimately relationship difficulties, are because of what we hold in the basement of our psyches. If our psyche is metaphorically a house, the basement is the place where we hide our fears and vulnerabilities. We all have fears in the basement about not being good enough, being inadequate, unlovable, and so on, but we rarely reveal these fears. Instead, we hide, pretend and defend, and that is ultimately what gets us into trouble. 12. …it is impossible to get out of childhood without developing a basement to some degree. This isn’t because of bad parenting, it is simply because of how we develop as human beings: we do not have the ability to understand nuances and context until adulthood. If we accept this, then we can proceed with the task of adulthood, reclaiming self from the basement in an integrated fashion, so what we know to be true matches what we feel to be true. That is what we can do to prevent the horrific stories from replaying in the next generation. 13. What is really happening as we wander obliviously through our daily lives is that something or someone triggers our underlying Suspicion of Self (that we are unlovable, not good enough and so on) and we don our armour to protect ourselves, attacking the thing that triggered our old, historic fear. We mistake the person knocking on the door to the basement for the one who put us there. However, that isn’t how it feels; it feels as if him or her or this or that is causing our upset rather than simply triggering it. … We fear that if we let that aspect of self be revealed, we will be rejected. To prevent that outcome, we consciously or unconsciously do what it takes to push people away. 14. How we hide, pretend, defend, and offend in all our relationships is key to what we end up experiencing. 15. … busyness (has) a hidden agenda: it allows (us) to focus on “what to do” and avoid what (we) are feeling. 16. … we set up people around us to become the very thing we are trying to get away from in our past. Because of what we are hanging on to in our basement, we are wired for fear and defence. We are hyper alert for evidence that what happened back then is happening again. In essence, we see what we are looking for. It is as if those fear-based beliefs are written on the lenses of our glasses, and as we look through them we latch on to what agrees and screen out what doesn’t. … We are looking out through the lenses of our suspicion of self (that we are unlovable, not good enough etc.). We are hot-wired from the basement to react with our strategies and defences. How we respond then invites the very thing we are trying to avoid. 17. We are not so much perceiving reality as projecting our own version of it, seeking to prove our own fear-based beliefs. Our defences create the very thing we are defending against. Our SOSs (suspicions of self) were made up in relationship with another person and must be corrected in connection with another person. We cannot heal alone. … 18. The waves we create with what we upload into our connecting relationship lines or system do not just go out. They return to us a perception of the world in front of us in such a way that it reinforces whatever we already believe about self, other and the world. 19. Have you ever achieved some goal you set for yourself and then wondered “Is this all there is?” Because we hold these suspicions of self, we end up resisting the very thing we want the most, even when it lands right on our doorstep. We do not allow the good things we have in our lives to enter because we don’t feel worthy of them. … In order to address what is in the basement, we must stop the harmful (strategic - masks & armours - and defensive) behaviours we engage in. When we do that, what is hiding in our basement will make itself apparent. Opening up requires opening the door to the basement, where this hurting aspect of our authentic self resides. We are frightened of being vulnerable because we are convinced that what we made up about ourselves is true. It is not! … When we are brave enough to risk being seen, fully and deeply seen, then the good stuff can go to where we need it the most. 20. Throughout the history of your family, people have experienced losses and hardship and have developed ways to cope with these losses. … the family develops a strategy for survival on the foundation of loss, which (out of the best of intentions) is then transmitted to the next generation. … The difficulty in this is that when you are set up to make up for someone else’s loss in the family system, you will carry a weight of expectation, of dreams unfulfilled, that isn’t actually yours to carry. You will be subtly or overtly directed away from things that might be more authentic for you and directed towards things others want for you or expect of you. Not only might this contribute to your own loss (because you sacrifice doing what you want), but you might not even know what you want because you have become more attuned to what is expected. … When a family teaches a strategy that is founded on loss, it also transmits the anxiety, fear and unprocessed grief around the loss. The person receiving the directive might know nothing about what happened but still feel the anxiety. 21. We actually have two related fears about allowing someone close to our basements. One is the obvious: we don’t want anyone to see who we fear we are because if they do, we fear we will be abandoned, rejected, punished, or found lacking in some way (just like when …). We also fear allowing someone power, allowing someone to be important. In our attempts to avoid letting someone have power, we withhold our love. We refuse to give because we don’t want what we give to make us vulnerable. This is a really important thing to realize: we are not only trying to hide, we also actively hold back from contributing positive feelings and giving ourselves fully to our relationships. We are just as frightened of the good as we are of the bad. If it gets too good, we fear losing it, and we would rather just have it be mediocre or even bad, believing that if we don’t let it be too good we won’t feel the pain of loss. The fear of loss comes from our personal experience around what happened when someone was important, and from the legacy of loss in our family. The above excerpts are from the first few chapters. Read the book to understand and escape the tyranny of the trap of living life from the default limiting self into freedom, authenticity, wholeness and joyous connection.
When that happens, you will find the courage not only to lead your business from good to great; but also to have loving harmonious relationships at work and at home, happy responsible kids, lots of nourishing nurturing me-time, while making a difference and increasing your impact in the world. Love, Jyoti.
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Wealth follows if you build yourself as a key person of influence in your industry and not the other way around. Priestly gives his take on how to build yourself to be a key person of influence. It's an idea that needs continual re-enforcement as we tend to confuse the cause and the effect; and end up wasting a lot of money, time and effort. Here are some key ideas from the book: 1. The harder you work, the less you earn. Your best ideas will come out to play ... not to work. ... The minute you begin to feel yourself "working hard" as opposed to "playing a challenging game", its time to take a break. 2. ... the difference between successful people (and unsuccessful people) on the planet is not Functionality, it's Vitality. Functionality is about performing a task well, whereas Vitality is about doing it joyfully. ... Beneath your desire to have a great home, a snappy wardrobe and some money in the bank is a part of you that longs to make a difference as well. Getting in touch with this part of you will give you a broadband connection to your Vitality. 3. Your greatest asset is your existing passion, the skills you already have and, most of all, your own personal story. ... The truth is that your real wealth lies in your story. Your journey thus far has not been a waste of time; it's been perfect. Your hobbies and interests are not meaningless, they are a gold mine. Your passion isn't hollow; it's the best fuel you will ever have. ... The person who just made a fortune from real estate loved real estate for a long time before they got rich. The person who trades the markets was happy trading through the ups and downs for a long time before they just seemed to "get it right". The NLP Life Coach did three years of unpaid work in the industry before they got their break. ... Unless you have been keenly interested in something for atleast seven years, forget trying to be a success story in that field. You simply can't outdo the people who genuinely love that industry, because they don't think it is a quick formula for cashing in. 4. All of your future learnings will come from the process of producing value. 5. The top 20% of the USA's wealthy control 89% of all the wealth! The top 1% control 34%. ... Wealth moves to and from a small percentage of Key People of Influence. If you are a Key Person in the top 20%, you can expect to be sharing in 89% of the pie. If you aren't, you will be fighting it out with the other 80% of people for the remaining 11%. It will be exhausting... 6. There are 5 things that you need to have in place for you to demonstrate that you are a Key Person of Influence (KPI): i. Know and communicate your micro-niche a. KPIs can answer the question "what do you do?" with power and clarity. ... When you know "what you are upto in the world", you become a magnet for opportunity. b. … at the heart of a "Perfect Pitch" is a mission …,”Your Big Game" you and your business want to be known for. Your perfect pitch is your "why". It's your compass. It's the reason you get up each day. c. More often than not, YOU will be the micro-niche. Your target market comprising a specific age group and gender will be YOU. The frustrations will be YOURS. d. Your micro-niche should consist of people who you would enjoy connecting with and people who would equally enjoy connecting with you. e. Choose a micro-niche that you identify with personally, with genuine concern and interest. ... you must know your stuff well that it comes more from your heart than your mind. ii. Gain credibility through writing - Your book ... tells the world that you are an authority in your field. a. A published book communicates some important and necessary messages about you. It says you have put enough thought into this idea to have written a book on it. People can read your ideas and get to know your story and your take on things. It also says that you must either be an expert or have access to experts. … Very few people have ever published a book and for most people, it’s impressive to know that you have completed this project. b. … there’s a book in everyone if they follow a process and commit to its completion. c. Here are 5 types of books you could write:
d. … a great book answers a significant question that the reader (your customer segment) is trying desperately to answer. e. Mark Twain - “The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time, you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.” f. … you should choose a title that reinforces that you are a Key Person of Influence. It should be “brand enhancing” and you should feel proud to tell people that you are the author. g. … it is not vital that your book is a massive seller. It is more important that you are an author. … The purpose of the book is to promote you, not the other way around. The mere fact that you are an author and that people can see you on Amazon gives you more kudos and opportunities. h. … it is not authors who get great opportunities, it is Key Persons of Influence. Your goal is to become the Key Person of Influence …, not to spend all the energy to sell books. i. … atleast write a set of ten articles, each 1000-1500 words in length before you even begin to talk to publications. j. A book is a very valuable way to publish your ideas; however, if it’s genuinely not right for you at this time, get started on creating your set of articles ready for publication. iii. Turn what you know into product - An information product (such as a CD, DVD, Download etc.) opens up a world of opportunities. ... An information product can also be a high-value, high-margin product that can add considerable profit to your enterprise. a. From Victor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning - “Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfilment. Therein, he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone’s task is as unique as his specific opportunity.” b. There will always be a limitation on what you can earn if your earning capacity is based on your personal appearance. c. Regardless of your business, it is the ideas behind your business that make it special and prevent you from having to constantly compete on price. d. Any industry-specific product can be worth a lot of money and can make you one of the most respected people in your field, opening you up to joint ventures and partnerships. e. Everyone should have a free product. … The person who will dominate your industry in the next ten years will be the one who is able to give more away for free than anyone else. The fastest growing companies in the 2000s were all companies that gave away incredible value for free - Google, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn. f. There’s nothing you can create more cheaply that has more value than an information product that shares your experience and insights with your potential clients. g. Share your best ideas with everyone. … The more people have, the more they want, so share your ideas freely. You will also make room in your mind to have even better ideas. iv. Raise your profile and Google well - When people do a search for your name, it must come up on the first results page that you are a KPI in your chosen field. Social media is like a microphone that amplifies you out to every corner of the world. Most people are too busy playing with the technology and go too far “off message”. v. Forge Joint Ventures & Partnerships - There are already experts in your industry who would jump up at the chance to be interviewed by you to create a product that enhances their brand (and yours). a. Always approach this with the question: “What is my client REALLY trying to accomplish when they work with me and who could I team up with to get an even better outcome?” b. All the time, I hear people say, “I just had a good idea but how do I actually make it happen?”. Firstly, you should never ask,”HOW do I make it happen?”. You should ask, “WHO do I need to talk to?” Whenever you have an idea, no matter how crazy, make at least 3 calls to see if it’s doable. c. One of the key differences between KPIs and everyone else is that KPIs don’t go out looking for clients, they go looking for partnerships and JVs. … KPIs only go networking to find leverage. … To step things up as a KPI, forget looking for clients and start looking for relationships that can really make things happen for both parties. d. A KPI is not interested in chasing sales. A KPI knows that their goal is to attract the right types of opportunities and the right opportunities for a KPI will always be win / win. e. The money is in great partnerships and joint ventures. Whenever you want to take your income up to a higher level, go looking for a higher level partnership or joint venture. 7. Unfortunately, our brains are mostly geared to look for quick, easy wins. You mind will play all sorts of tricks on you to stop you from making it big. 8. The most powerful way to save time, money and mistakes is to learn from others who have walked the path before you. … In this age, its possible to find someone who has done what you want to achieve already and learn from them. It’s called standing on the shoulders of giants. 9. No matter what you need in your business or your life, getting it will be a function of your resourcefulness rather than whether the resources are available. The 3 biggest factors that determine your resourcefulness are: i. The questions you ask ii. The people you know iii. Your willingness to stretch into the unknown 10. Unless you are a child asking your parents for something small, the language of requests does not work very often. You need to learn the language of opportunities. This is where you win, by helping someone else win. When you want something, you express it in a way that works for the person you want assistance from. … Great business people speak the language of opportunity ALL the time. 11. Firstly, get in the habit of spotting great opportunities for others. Quite often I will see something in a blog and email it to a friend. Quite often, I will connect two people who I know can do business together. Often enough I will share an idea with someone if I think it would be beneficial. I don’t spot opportunities for friends because I am looking for an immediate reward. I do it because I believe that it strengthens my network. Given time, a strong network leads to more wealth, more fun and more success. 12. You must focus on your passion and become a KPI in that field. As soon as you are a KPI, you will not even notice opportunities in other industries because you will be swamped with great things to do in your own industry. And the rewards will come thick and fast. 13. Resist the temptation to chase the new thing and keep taking steps closer to the inner circle of the industry you love. 14. … the people who are successful are the ones who commit to things that take them forward, even when they aren’t sure exactly how it will all come together. … there’s never a right time. You will always have challenges going on with either your time, your money or your focus. If something comes along that you know you should do, then do it, and figure it out along the way. 15. Resources show up AFTER Resourcefulness. Resourcefulness shows up AFTER you make a commitment. 16. Without a commitment, humans use too much brain energy on assessment of the idea, the timing and trying to predict an unpredictable future. When you finally commit to an outcome, you free up gallons of energy to become more resourceful in following through. Commit to a big goal (… sign yourself up to some sort of deadline or external commitment) and then start filling in the blanks. 17. Becoming a KPI doesn’t happen for most people because they are waiting for the clearing. They think that “one day” they will have the time, money and focus to get something done. … I ask them, “Why you are working so hard?” They reply. “So I can get some spare time and money to go and do what I want.” … Don’t work for the clearing, work for the result. Ask yourself what it is you actually want to do. Then go and do it. … Bite off more than you can chew and then figure it out as you go. 18. If you don’t become a KPI, you will get stuck chasing revenue, spend too much time searching for (half decent) opportunities and forever feel undervalued. Now, everything Priestley says is logical and makes sense. You know if you followed the advice in the book, you will become a Key Person of Influence. But the challenge is taking effective actions consistently over a period of time without letting yourself come in the way. We all know how to be fit but how many of us are actually able to take the required actions to become fit.
Based on my experience, there are 3 journeys you would need to undertake in parallel to become a Key Person of Influence. Those journeys would give you the depth and mastery to consistently take precise powerful actions as outlined in the book. 1. Leadership Depth - The inner journey of personal transformation for an integrated wheel of life for deeply fulfilling success at work and at home; and for greater impact in the world through living our Purpose of Life. This journey is from Gear 0 to Gear 5, where Gear 0 is when our life is still driven by unconscious fears that create our circumstances. The journey forward is an outcome of moving from limiting habits to growth habits across all the 4 bodies of our Being - physical, mental / intellectual, emotional and spiritual. In Gear 1, you strengthen your Agility of Mind Leadership muscle that has you experience your own greatness, instead of doubting it. It has you finally recognise that your suspicion of self (I am not loved, I am not good enough, I am not important) is just that - a suspicion with no basis in truth; it is simply a paper ghost. In Gear 2, you strengthen your Being of Service Leadership muscle that has you not just intellectually, but viscerally feel for your customer. You genuinely want to make a difference to your customer community for the sake of making an authentic difference, not because you want wealth and fame. In Gear 3, you strengthen your Communicating while Being in the World of Others leadership muscle that has you find your voice and have the courage to speak your truth. In Gear 4, you strengthen your Delivering on Your Word leadership muscle that gives you the depth and humility to have people experience their own greatness in your space and through your work. In Gear 5, you strengthen your Excellence leadership muscle that you gives you access to Personal Mastery and has people relate to each other as extraordinary in your space and through your work. You cannot find your niche if you are not operating from Gear 2 consciousness. You will not have the courage to write your book if you are not operating from Gear 3 consciousness. 2. Business Excellence - The outer journey of professional success by contributing to the communities that we serve through the work we do and leading our organisations / business functions from good to great. This journey is from Mountain 1 to Mountain 5. In Mountain 1, you discover your business idea in alignment with your Purpose of Life. In Mountain 2, you discover your niche iteratively by marrying your Purpose with what’s missing in the world. In Mountain 3, you arrive at a repeatable, scalable, profitable business model through a series of iterative experiments. In Mountain 4, using the repeatable, scalable, profitable business model you arrived at through multiple iterative experiments in Mountain 3, you begin scaling up your business. You need Gear 4 consciousness to create high productivity, performance, creativity and innovation in your organization for the task of scaling up within (your employees) to scale up outside (customers, profitability). In Mountain 5, your business is ready to run without you. Your organization is now a self-sustaining, value creating engine giving you passive income. Only on scaling the 2nd Mountain of the Business Excellence journey will you find your niche and you need to have Gear 2 consciousness for inner power to climb Mountain 2. Only on doing the work required to climb the 3rd Mountain of Business Excellence, will you deepen your understanding of the customer needs and increase your expertise. This will give you the required breakthrough ideas and solutions for the problems faced by your customer community to write the book that is relevant, meaningful and makes a difference. You need Gear 3 consciousness to find your authentic voice and the experience gained from work done till Mountain 3 for content to write your book. To convert your knowledge and experience into an information product that is a runaway success requires you to operate from Gear 4 consciousness. Building a successful profitable information product is needed for you to scale your business and climb Mountain 4. Joint Ventures and Partnerships create value only if you are in Gear 5 consciousness and you have time on your hand as an outcome of being on Mountain 5 to invest in meaningful business relationships. Before, Mountain 5 and Gear 5, spending substantial amount of time on Social Media wastes your energy and distracts you away from Craft Mastery. 3. Craft Mastery - Becoming a key person of influence in our industry through continual learning, unlearning, re-learning to become the master of our craft. This journey also has 5 stages. Stage 1 of Craft Mastery is passive learning through reading the books and researching for information on Google. It starts when you are on Mountain 1 and it helps you to zero down to the domain that fills you up with excitement, passion and joy. Gear 1 consciousness is needed to slow down to learn passively. The usual norm is for people to get excited about an area because there seems to be wealth creation opportunity and quickly invest money for certifications without ploughing through to discover what inspires them, about which community and for what problem. Stage 2 of Craft Mastery is active learning where you are applying your knowledge learnt passively to make a difference to your customer community. This requires Gear 2 consciousness and happens while you are on Mountain 2. This process helps you to zero down on your niche. Stage 3 of Craft Mastery is seeking out mentors of your domain and apprenticing with them to become an expert. This requires Gear 3 consciousness because without your own voice and the courage to speak it, you will merely become a copy of another master and create no differentiated value in the world. Finding your unique take on the problems of your customer community and discovering / inventing a unique, innovative solution helps you to establish yourself on Mountain 3 by arriving at a repeatable, scalable, profitable business model. Stage 4 of Craft Mastery is mentoring others in your industry to become experts (bring them to stage 3). To give away all that you learnt in your journey requires you to be in Gear 4 consciousness and helps you to do the work of scaling up in Mountain 4. In this stage, you seek masters of your domain to apprentice with. Stage 5 of Craft Mastery is mentoring the experts to become mentors (bring them to stage 4). You need Gear 5 consciousness for this work. Creating mentors for your industry helps you to lead your Business to Mountain 5. You have now become the master of your craft, you have become your craft and your craft has become you. You transform your industry through your work, leadership and depth of understanding of your domain. Now, you become a Key Person of Influence. In Stage 2, writing articles to make a difference to your customer community will help you integrate all that you are learning and all your unique experiences to deepen your understanding of your craft and discover innovative solutions for the challenges faced by your customer community. In Stage 3, you are ready to write your book. It will now be a process of reviewing your articles from a fresh perspective and collating them together to create something that is meaningful, impactful and transformational. In Stage 4, while mentoring industry professionals to become experts and having done deep work to write a book, creating an information products for your customer community and industry professionals becomes an almost effortless process. In Stage 5, having established your credibility by writing a book, mentoring professionals and experts, finding the right Joint Ventures becomes the next logical step. Instead of chasing customers and partners, your customers and partners chase you. When that happens, you know that you have arrived. Too often, the journey outside gets the focus without the realization that the success outside is always an outcome of the growth within. I am grateful to Daniel Priestly for his understanding of what it takes to be a Key Personal of Influence as it helped me to clarify lot of concepts in my own head. My reverence for his massive commitment to make a difference to entrepreneurs and professionals by writing this book. Wishing you all the joy of the journey. Stand on the shoulders of the giants to see further than they saw and go further than anyone has gone before. Love, Jyoti. Leading with Questions (How Leaders Find the Right Solutions by Knowing What to Ask?) by Michael J. Marquardt I spent 2 years with Ron McLuckie learning the art and science of leading with questions, first through the Action Learning program for Coaches and then the Senior Executive Action Learning Program run by WIAL, co-founded by Dr Michael Marquardt. Ron is the Chairman and Chief Executive for their India operations. He has done seminal work in the area of leadership and organization development in the country. I am grateful to not only have been coached by him but also to have him contribute to transforming the leadership consciousness in our country. Before the concept of 'Leading with Questions' hit me straight on my face and woke me up from my slumber, I was a 'telling my people what to do' kind of a leader both at work and at home, who always had to have an answer to all the problems. It was an exhausting way to lead. As John Stuart Mill says in his book The System of Logic: "Asking more of the right questions reduces the need to have all the answers. Leading from good to great does not mean coming up with answers and then motivating everyone to follow your messianic vision. It means to have the humility to grasp the fact that you do not yet understand enough to have the answers and then to ask the questions that will lead to the best possible insights." Though the problem usually is, as Dr Marquardt points out that too often, we ask questions that disempower rather than empower our subordinates. These questions can cast blame; they are not genuine requests for information. •Why are you behind schedule? •What’s the problem with this project? •Who isn’t keeping up? The risk with leading with questions as a tactic without the shift on the inside is that it will end up creating more disengagement and alienation in the organisation than a purposeful coming together for the best solution and effective implementation by people on the ground themselves taking complete ownership and accountability. That is why, in our leadership evolution methodology, learning to ask great questions is a Gear 3 (Communicating while Being in the World of Others) skill after the leaders have been immersed in Gear 1 (Agility of Mind) and Gear 2 (Being of Service) Leadership Consciousness. The power of questions had been understood even 2000 years ago. Folklore has it that when people went to Socrates with their problems, he would respond back with questions for people to discover their own answers. That makes him the first known coach in the world. The coach's secret power is the ability to lead their clients from their original question to an even greater question, shifting the way they look at their problem and their world itself. The coach's job is not so much to give answers to their clients' questions but more to create the space for them to access their own wisdom to find their own answers and lead them to even more powerful questions. Finding answers is the easiest thing. The challenge lies in discovering the right questions. A really effective leader is a one who understands that his role is not only to lead but also to nurture and coach. Dr Marquardt does a phenomenal job at deconstructing and teaching the what, when, where, who, whom, why and how of leading with questions with amazing clarity. If it isn't as yet, include this book as part of your essential reading for your leadership team. And, of course, begin with yourself first, if you are really serious about sustainable transformation of your organisation from good to great. Here are few gems from the book for you to experience the power of leading with questions: 1. Leaders who use questions can truly empower people and change organizations. Poor leaders rarely ask questions of themselves or others. Good leaders, on the other hand, ask many questions. Great leaders ask great questions. And great questions can help you become a great leader. 2. The ability to ask questions goes hand-in-hand with the ability to learn. A learning organization is possible only if it has a culture that encourages questions. Questions enable people to increase alignment, engagement and accountability. It is not simply asking more questions. It is asking more and better questions. Avoiding questions can cause serious harm – even disaster. Because people did not ask questions, the Titanic sank and people lost lives. 3. Questions are useful for giving feedback, problem solving, strategic planning, resolving conflicts, team building. When we avoid questions, all these activities suffer. 4. Organizations and leaders who avoid questions are actually losing opportunities to learn. By telling rather than asking, they are actually making their organizations dumber, less smart, less aligned, and less energised everyday. A lot of bad leadership comes from an inability or unwillingness to ask questions. The dumbest questions can be the most powerful. They can unlock a conversation. 5. If you ask profound questions, you get profound answers. If you ask shallow questions , you get shallow answers. If you ask no questions, you get no answers at all. 6. Deep significant learning occurs only as a result of reflection, and reflection is not possible without a question. Questions, especially challenging ones, cause us to think and learn. The point is not to find the answer. Rather in a questioning culture we keep asking and learning. There is no correct answer, the point of asking questions is to gain perspective. 7. Questions can certainly empower and motivate people more effectively than exhortatory statements do. Good questions empower people to devise their own solutions. When people discover their own answers, they develop self-responsibility and accept ownership of the results. Asking people questions shows that you value them. Questions move people from dependence to independence. 8. Most people are totally unaware of and unconscious about the internal questions they ask themselves - even though such inquiries virtually program their thoughts, feelings, actions, and outcomes. Self-reflections enable us to better understand ourselves, gaining insight into why we do some things and avoid doing other things. 9. We have difficulty with questions for four primary reasons: a. We avoid questions out of a natural desire to protect ourselves. b. We are too often in a rush. c. We often lack skills in asking or answering questions due to a lack of experience and opportunities, of training, and of a role model. d. We find ourselves in corporate cultures and working environments that discourage questions, especially those that challenge exacting assumptions and policies. 10. Fear inhibits us from asking questions in another way. We sometimes fear that if we ask a question we will get an answer that we do not like, one that depicts us as a part of the problem, or one that indicates that a favoured project has gone off course. 11. Most of us feel more comfortable in efficiently making statements and providing answers. We do not have the discipline or the commitment to make time for questions. 12. The capacity to ask fresh questions in conditions of ignorance, risk, and confusion, when nobody knows what to do next is at the heart of great leadership. 13. Insights are more likely when you can look inside yourself and not focus on the outside world. 14. There is no such thing as the correct answer; it is only perspective. 15. Depending on how the leader asks a question, it can be perceived as “an invitation, a request, or a missile.” 16. When you talk it stops others from expressing themselves. And, so began that revelation that leadership is about listening. 17. Start by asking yourself, “What is the most important thing to the other person?” 18. It is important for leaders to fully recognize and understand the power of words. What do I want my question to accomplish? We end up creating that which we focus on. ‘What’s wrong?’ questions threaten self-esteem and thereby cause people to get mired in problems. Empowering questions, on the other hand, get people to think and allow them to discover their own answers, thus developing self-responsibility and transference of ownership for the results. In empowering others, the leader must resist the urge of give people advise. When people ask for help, the leader must ask them questions so that they come up with their own answers. 19. Instead of asking disempowering questions, such as “Why are you behind schedule?”, “What’s the problem with this project?”; Leaders can ask empowering questions such as these: a. How do you feel about the project? b. What have you accomplished so far that you are most pleased with? c. How would you describe the way you want this project to turn out? d. Which of these objectives do you think will be easiest to accomplish? Which will be most difficult? e. What will be the benefits to our customers if you can meet all these objectives - for our company, for our team, for you personally. f. What key things need to happen to achieve the objective? g. What kind of support do you need to ensure success? 20. Great questions are selfless; they are not asked to illustrate the cleverness of the questioner or to generate an interesting response for the questioner. They are generally supportive, insightful, and challenging. Empowering questions such as: •What’s on your mind? •Can you tell me about that? •Can you help me understand? •What should we be worried about?” 21. Some more empowering questions: •What is a viable alternative? •What are the advantages and disadvantages you see in this suggestion? •Can you more fully describe your concerns? •What are your goals? •How would you describe the current reality? •What are a few options for improvement? •What will you commit to do and by when? 22. Great questions for leaders to ask themselves: •What matters most? •What is one problem that I can turn into an opportunity? •What do employees need to hear from me? •What is our customers’ greatest pain? •What new business relationship will I pursue? •How will I be more strategic? •How can I make swift yet smart decisions? •What leadership skills can and should I get better at? •How will I recognize success? •What is my biggest fear, and how will I face it? 23. Grasping the art of questioning can lead to impressive results; asking inappropriate questions usually closes learning. The attitude, mindset, pace, timing, environment, and context - all can affect the impact of our questions. Asking a question at the right time in the right manner and with the right person is just as important as the content of the question itself. 24. Best approach is to be a supporting coach rather than the judging boss. Coaching is the opposite of bossing. A coaching-type relationship helps people work out issues and find their own answers though the skilful use of probing questions. 25. The key to framing good questions is to inquire about the “quest” in your questions. What do you want this person to think about? What do you want to learn? A questioning mindset shows that you care about the other person. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. Wishing you the joy of the conversation. Love, Jyoti. The 80/20 Principle (The Secret to Achieving More with Less) by Richard Koch This is a book after my own heart. What I am upto in the world is to support leaders to have it all - deeply fulfilling successful career, loving harmonious relationships, happy responsible kids with their genius joyfully expressed, lots of nourishing nurturing me-time while making a huge difference in the world. I love busting the myth that you cannot have it all with every coaching engagement. This myth is a cause of so much misery and sadness on this planet because it makes people cynical and resigned about the possibility of living their greatest lives and fulfilling their impossible unimaginable dreams. Nothing spreads the disease of 'living small' as much as forgotten dreams, pushed away under the carpet of imaginary 'reality'. One of the key levers to have it all is to become an 80/20 Thinker. Richard Koch has done a phenomenal job of explaining step by step how to become one. The 80/20 Principle has been my secret magical wand in supporting my clients. That's how we coaches dramatically increase the effectiveness of our clients, professionally and personally, by getting them to realize what 20% of what they do gives them 80% of their outcomes and then systematically get them to expand the 20%. Of course, in that whole journey of expanding 20% to become 60% so that results are now 240% from the original 80%, unacknowledged hidden fears show up and then the work is about getting off that to take powerful effective precise actions. The 80/20 Principle asserts that a minority of causes, inputs, or effort usually lead to majority of results, outputs, or rewards. That means, 20% of what you do at work is actually what is creating your success and 80% of what you do is largely irrelevant. Amazing, isn't it. Based on my own experience, I connect to the truth of what Koch says - The 80/20 Principle can raise personal effectiveness and happiness. It can multiply the profitability of corporations and the effectiveness of any organization. Here are few gems from the book: 1. Strive for excellence in few things, rather than good performance in many. 2. In every important sphere, work out where 20% of effort can lead to 80% of returns. 3. Calm down, work less and target a limited number of very valuable goals. 4. Three implications for organizations: a. Successful firms operate in markets where it is possible for that firm to generate the highest revenues with the least effort. A firm cannot be judged successful unless it has a high absolute surplus (in traditional terms, a high return on investment) and also a higher surplus than its competitors (higher margins). b. It is always possible to raise the economic surplus, usually by a large degree, by focusing only on those market and customer segments where the largest surpluses (profits) are currently being generated. This will always imply redeployment of resources into the most surplus-generating (profitable) segments and will normally also imply a reduction in the total level of resource and expenditure (in plain words, fewer employees and other costs). Firms rarely reach the highest level of surplus that they could attain, or anywhere near it, both because managers are often not aware of the potential for surplus and because they often prefer to run large firms than exceptionally profitable ones. c. It is possible for every corporation to raise the level of surplus by reducing the inequality of output and reward within the firm. 5. 80% of value perceived by customers relates to 20% of what an organization does. What is that 20% in your case? What is stopping you from doing more of it? What is preventing you from "making" an even more extreme version of that 20%? 6. 80% of any industry's profit come from 20% of its customers. Do you have a disproportionate share of these? If not, what would you need to do to get it? 7. One-fifth (20%) of a typical company's revenues account for four-fifths (80%) of its profit and cash. Conversely, four-fifths (80%) of the average company's revenues account for only one-fifth (20%) of profits and cash. ... You could have a business solely composed of the most profitable chunks and it could make the same absolute returns, provided you organised things differently. And, why is this so? ... It is because simple is beautiful. Business people seem to love complexity. No sooner is a simple business successful than its managers pour vast amounts of energy into making it very much more complicated. But business returns abhor complexity. ... The act of making a business more complex depresses returns more effectively than any other means known to humanity. 8. A recent careful study of 39 middle-sized German companies, led by Gunter Rommel, found that only one characteristic differentiated the winners from the less successful firms: simplicity. The winners sold a narrower range of products to fewer customers and also had fewer suppliers. The study concludes that a simple organization was best at selling complicated products. 9. Where a business is dominant in its narrowly defined niche, it is likely to make several times the returns earned in niches where one faces a dominant competitor. 10. What is most simple and standardized is hugely more productive and cost effective than what is complex. The simplest messages are the most appealing and universal: to colleagues, consumers and suppliers. The simplest structures and process flows are at once the most attractive and the lowest cost. 11. Waste thrives on complexity; effectiveness requires simplicity. 12. The large and simple business is the best. The way to create something great is to create something simple. ... Progress requires simplicity, and simplicity requires ruthlessness. This helps to explain why simple is as rare as it is beautiful. 13. Important as focus on the few best products is, it is much less important than focusing on the few best customers. 14. The key to superior sales performance is to stop thinking averages and start thinking 80/20. ... Most studies find that the top 20% salespeople generate between 70 and 80% of sales. 15. Focus every salesperson's efforts on the 20% of products that generate 80% of sales. ... The salesforce should be rewarded for selling the most profitable products, not the least profitable. ... Focus salespeople on the 20% of customers who generate 80% of sales and 80% of profits. 16. The Top 10 business applications of the 80/20 principle: i. Strategy ii. Quality iii. Cost reduction and service improvement iv. Marketing v. Selling vi. Information technology vii. Decision making and analysis viii. Inventory management ix. Project management x. Negotiation 17. A few things are always much more important than most things. 18. Progress means moving resources from low-value to high-value uses. 19. The 80/20 Principle, like the truth, can make you free. You can work less. At the same time, you can earn and enjoy more. ... The beauty of 80/20 Thinking is that it is pragmatic and internally generated, centered around the individual. There is a slight catch. You must do the thinking. 20. Most of what any of us achieve in life, of any serious degree of value to ourselves and others, occurs in a very small proportion of our working lives. 80/20 Thinking and observation makes this perfectly clear. WE HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH TIME. We demean ourselves, both by lack of ambition and by assuming that ambition is served by bustle and busyness. Achievement is driven by insight and selective action. The still, small voice of calm has a bigger place in our lives than we acknowledge. Insight comes when we are feeling relaxed and good about ourselves. Insight requires time - and time, despite conventional wisdom, is there in abundance. 21. Work out what you want from life. ... aim to "have it all". Everything you want should be yours: the type of work you want; the relationships you need; the social, mental and aesthetic stimulation that will make you happy and fulfilled; the money you require for the lifestyle that is appropriate to you; and any requirement that you may have for achievement or service to others. If you don't aim for it all, you'll never get it all. ... We are wasting 80% of our effort on low-value outcomes. 20% of our time leads to 80% of happiness; but 80% of our time yields very little happiness. ... Remember the promise of the 80/20 Principle: if we take note of what it tells us, we can work less, earn more, enjoy more, and achieve more. From Richard Koch back to me :-) What actions will you take as an outcome of reading the above insights in different areas of your wheel of life? Love, Jyoti. |
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