XX. Healing Relationships

How roles is us and roles in others interact with each other?

23-May-21 / 6:44 am - Session with Herb, my Psychodrama teacher, mentor, guide
 
Role Discovery and Analysis
 
I am crying. I got present to the enormous sadness in me, while talking to Herb.
 
Feeling sadness that my kids don’t really care for me.
 
Feeling sadness that I don’t feel their connection and love.
 
Feeling confused about how to respond to them.
 
Feeling concerned that I am responsible for a growing number of coachees and I haven’t found freedom, as yet.
 
Feeling self-doubt because how can I coach my coachees to realize their dreams and have it all, when I don’t have it myself.
 
Feeling certain that I don’t want to recreate relationship with my husband and his parents.
 
Ironically, feeling relief that the kids are not with me because I don’t have to deal with the emotional upheaval within, along with them not responding to me the way I would like them to.

During the deep-dive with Herb, I understood how the various fear-sourced limiting roles within me are interacting with the various roles of those around me.

After drawing the Relationship Maps, feeling clear, happy, confident and certain that I am here to make a massive difference and that the Universe is supporting me to fulfil on my purpose, vision and mission. Feeling joyously grateful.


15-Mar-25
I drew the below Relationship Map for the role-interaction with my husband nearly 4 years ago, which is when I created a new peaceful warrior role in me - Happy, Confident, Kind Friend - in relationship to my husband, which I only had an intellectual understanding of at that point in time. 

I believed even in that moment that as I dissolve Fear Consciousness in me and raise my Consciousness through RYD Growth Habits and Transformative Practises of Yoga, Vipassana, Psychodrama, Journey Within; the relationship will transform. I believed that my experience of the relationship was because of me and not because of him, that I was at the source of whatever that had happened to me, whatever was happening to me and whatever will happen to me. 

It has taken me nearly 4 years to fully live at an experiential level the role of Happy, Confident, Kind Friend role in relationship with my husband; experiencing Happy, Understanding, Kind Friend role in him. The journey has been worthwhile as part of which my kids have healed, my relationship with them has healed, I have healed, my husband has healed, my relationship with my parents has healed, my relationship with my in-laws has healed, my business has flourished and I have grown as a human being. 

The next leg of my journey of relationship evolution with my husband is to grow into another peaceful warrior role that I have created - Happy, Loving, Romantic Wife. I am looking forward to more Inner Work to dissolve more Fear Consciousness to grow even more as a human being in stepping up to that role. I wouldn't even be one-millionth of a human being if it wasn't for my experience of my relationship with my husband. We both have suffered, we both have grown. I am grateful that we both chose to grow than to separate.

I read Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav 15 years ago. It is this book that gave me belief to not walk out of the relationship into a divorce, which sounded like a very tempting option multiple times. What I read has stayed with me. It is a point on the Ball of Perspective that gives me power to create and strengthen my relationships. What Zukav wrote in the book is that before we are born, our soul chooses the other souls to be in a family system with and asks each soul to behave with us in a specific way so that we can learn what we want to learn in a particular lifetime to fulfil on our Purpose of being born. 

I believe my Purpose is to be Love. Love is Love only when Love is Loving even in the face of no Love. Our Spiritual Values are not in reaction to what we receive from the world. Our Spiritual Values are a place to come from in the face of no agreement from the environment. Making the choice to be our Spiritual Values, irrespective of chaos inside or outside, raises our Consciousness.

The implementation of this intellectual understanding by living it, as an outcome of the Heart believing in the truth of this, shifts our consciousness one bit at a time for us to reach the Inner Knowing of the Soul. 

Here is the evolution of my relationship with my daughter, drawn out nearly 4 years ago:​

It is heart-warming to see my daughter transform from an anguished, sad, angry, belligerent teenager to a beautiful, confident, radiant, happy, joyful young adult, realizing her dream of studying in a great University abroad, contributing through various leadership roles at the University, fully relishing every moment of her life. During our troubled years, I feared she will end up ruining her life over-partying and overdoing everything else that teenagers do in rebellion to not getting the nurturing home that her parents were not providing her with. I am grateful to be a coach that gave me access to the wisdom to heal myself and be a channel of healing for my kids.

​Here is the evolution of my relationship with my son, drawn nearly 4 years ago:

During the dark phase of our life, my heart broke in million pieces time and again seeing my son struggle emotionally and see his natural confidence evaporating. My heart broke even more to experience him pushing me away, every time I tried to reach out to him. My coachees experienced my love but my kids did not. They were sad, hurt, traumatised and took out their anger most brutally on me.

​It has taken me massive amount of inner work to find my connection back with my son, for him to forgive himself, to forgive his father and to forgive me. I am filled with deep deep gratitude for the kindness and generosity of the Universe to give me the strength to do my inner work to be the mother that my kids deserve and be a soothing, nurturing, loving space for them to find their connection with their own happy, loving, healthy, responsible, confident self.

My heart, soul, mind and body fills up with gratitude for the magic of transformation I have been in the experience of. With folded hands, tears of gratitude and joy, I bow down to the Universe for this gift. We are a happy, loving, nurturing family - this part of my Dream Lifestyle is realized.