Category: Coaching Excellence

Transference on the Coach

3/12/2024

Dear Socratians,

I had a conversation with V.

He would like to take a break from RYD. I feel this is a good decision. I support his decision for the following reasons:

1. Not being Courage of being true to his Truth with j by not sharing on 4-Oct that he will not be coming in the December EXPAND Event, and telling his coach he wouldn’t be coming to the EXPAND Event because Sabarimala was planned though it was for money reasons.

He also agreed to Rs 7.2 Lakhs program because he didn’t have the Courage to be true to his Truth and say No to j.

He acknowledged this in our deep-dive today and saw that there was Transference of his relationship with his father onto j.

He had a similar pattern of relationship with his father. He was not able to say No to his father and be true to his own Truth.

When we are unable to be true to our own Truth, we suffer and as a consequence, others suffer.

Transference occurs when we unconsciously redirect feelings, expectations, or patterns of behaviour that we developed in past relationships (such as with a parent) onto someone in the present (such as our spouse, leader, mentor, coach etc.). For example, if your father was critical or distant, you might project those experiences onto your husband and respond to him with the same low-energy emotions as if he were your father.

What would most contribute to V would be for him to break this pattern.

His break from RYD is in effect is a break from me, and is a symbolic representation of him standing up to an authority figure in his life.

He acknowledged that he had learnt to say No in all his relationships except to me.

Here's an example of his creating his Reality from his small mind - By mistake, I wrote 2:57 am instead of 2:57 pm as below:

Monday 2-Dec 2:57 am IST
Tuesday 3-Dec 9:01 am IST

He didn't check back with me. He assumed that I was giving him the choice of only one slot under the garb of two since 2:57 am is not a workable slot. Instead of calling that out from a place of love and belief, he felt unsupported and just accepted 9:01 am. He shared this during our Completion Conversation, which is when I shared it was a typo.

This is an example how we come from our small mind and create our experience in alignment with our small mind and Hole in the Soul. That is why every low energy emotion needs to be acknowledged and brought into the Operation Theatre of Deep Awareness, dissected with the surgical tool of Raw Honesty for us to see the Truth of our ugly Fear hiding within for us to dissolve it with the healing power of our Loving Acceptance. Now, we can raise our consciousness all the way to Gear 5, create a reality-defying Intention to fulfil and impossible, unimaginable, crazy-big Dream to realize.

My supporting V's choice to break from me would strengthen his Courage to stand up for himself and give him the freedom to be true to his Truth, a gift we want to give to our children and to our coachees for them to break the unconscious unhealthy pattern of not being true to their Truth. Like Kay would say, I enabled Individuation for him which teenage boys need to grow up to be healthy adults.

I have a coachee who I have given an RYD Habit to say No to me to practise being True to their Truth.

2. RYD had become a comfort zone for V. He had moved to the next year every subsequent year blindly, without thinking about it; telling us the importance of the Awaken Journey to ensure the coachee is 10 on 10 before stepping up into the next year.

3. V had not been following RYD Growth Habits including Deep-dive Reflections or Weekly Reflections or Article of the Day Reflections inspite of making promises. This is actually a symptom of him not being a 10 on 10 about being in RYD.

He created the following Intention for 31-Dec-2025 during our Completion Conversation today:
I am happy and grateful to practice relationship of equals, implement all my learnings and make a massive difference to my customers through 3 growth levers – Leadership Depth, Craft Mastery, Business Excellence – creating an impact of USD 1 Million with 20% profitability while Having It All. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

He completes effective 30-Nov-24, 5 months after the start of his 5th year from the Invoicing perspective. He has requested for delayed investment schedule by 5-Jun-25, which I have accepted.

Here are my learnings from the Completion Conversation with V:
1. Awaken Journey is even more super critical for those going to the next year in RYD for the coachees to know what is their Truth with respect to RYD so that we can support them to honour that.
2. Proposing a financial solution does not serve the coachee. If the coachee is challenged financially, it would serve them more to let them go rather than make it financially easier for them.
3. I missed to see that V was not standing up for his Truth on 4-Oct and when I offered Rs 7.2 Catalyst program. I need to build the muscle to read my grand-coachees with the depth that I read my coachees.
4. Business results are key for the coachee to continue their journey with RYD as their structure of success.
5. It's important to show the mirror to the coachee as soon as it is visible that they are building a business for revenue and profit, and not for purpose and positive impact.

Actions that I will take as an outcome of this learning experience:
1. Integrate the Awaken Journey for RYD Soul as part of the year-end reflection to contribute to the coaches in a same way we contribute to our coachees by creating a safe space for them to see their Truth and owning it.
2. Increase my presence in the moment instead of depending on time spent with the coachee to be their effective double through stepping up on my Personal Practise.
3. Being a No to offering financial solutions to coachees from a place of Love and Care. Any exception to this would be discussed and agreed by RYD Soul.
4. Step up the focus on coachee's Business outcomes as part of the quarterly deep-dives.
5. Support RYD Coaches to show the mirror to their coachees.

Here are few questions for your reflection, integration and learning:
1. In which of your relationships, do you observe the mechanism of Transference at play?
2. What is the impact of Transference in your relationship with them?
3. Reflect on any Transference on your Coach from your side and share.

Keep observing with curiosity, reflecting, uncovering, embracing and loving what is to joyously lead yourself and your coachees from good to great, realize your dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun and adventure along the way 💜

Loving you,
j.

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Using Physical Body Symptoms to Coach

17/11/2024

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The Coaching Conversation between a Socratian and her Coachee

Coach: And, most important remember to take care of yourself and love yourself while you take care of the kids ❤️

Coachee: Yes I just thought of that this morning ! I’ve actually got a terrible shoulder catch on one side - always happens when I’m stressed 🙈

Coach: What is your terrible shoulder catch telling you?
💜

Coachee: Yes I just thought of that this morning ! I’ve actually got a terrible shoulder catch on one side - always happens when I’m stressed 🙈

Coach What is your terrible shoulder catch telling you?
💜

Coachee: To take care of myself and to not worry, my kids will be fine ☺️
And I am good enough - I am the best mother

Coach: Shoulders represent our ability to carry out experiences in our life. We make life a burden or a joyous experience by our attitude.

Coachee: I see the light in what you say - it has been joyous spending the whole week at home with the kids ! We got to spend some good time together :)

Coach: Lovely 💜

Taking from what you said, inviting you to take a thought with you and repeat it till it becomes your own.

I choose to allow all my experiences to be joyous and loving

Coach: Test it out today and let me know how you and your shoulder are feeling by the day end /tomorrow.

Loving you 💜

Coachee Sure 👍🏻

The Same Coaching Conversation done Another Way

j - Well done at taking your coachee deeper using her physical body 💜

Thank you for creating a Learning Opportunity for all of us by seeking inputs.

Copied the conversation here to share how I would have responded for all of you to reflect and identify the Principles of RYD coaching in use:

Coach: I acknowledge you for being an amazing mother, <coachee name>. How are you feeling and doing while caring for your sick children, taking care of your work responsibilities at the same time and so many other things you take care of?

Coachee: I’ve actually got a terrible shoulder catch on one side - always happens when I’m stressed 🙈

Coach: I am sorry to hear about the pain in your shoulder, <coachee name>. Sending you love and healing to give you strength to create your perfect health and joyous well-being.

Which side of the shoulder is hurting you?

<This will give me a clue where is the experience of burden coming from - from the men in her life or from the women in her life or whether she is feeling burdened by the experience of being a mother / woman>

Coachee:

Coach: On a scale of 0 to 10, how much is the pain intensity?

Coachee:

Coach: Louise Hay, a teacher I learnt massively from through her books, mapped physical symptoms to mental thought patterns. She healed her clients by helping them become aware of their limiting thought patterns and shifting them.

As per her - Shoulders represent our ability to carry our experiences in life joyously. We make life a burden by our attitude of feeling burdened by our experiences.

Willing to play the game to heal your shoulder?

Coachee:

Coach: Super 💜

Include the below statements in your daily RYD Prayer of Gratitude:
The Universe is gifting me my highest good, moment to moment. All my experiences are joyous and loving.

Come into our next deep-dive to share what got created for your shoulder as you spoke the above statements as part of your RYD Prayer of Gratitude, 5 times a day, giving your power of belief to the statements in your RYD Prayer of Gratitude.

Coachee:

Coach: Well done for taking on playing the game to be at the source of your perfect health and joyous well-being 💜

Keep creating your well-being to joyously lead yourself and your business from good to great, realize your dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun and adventure along the way.

To the next deep-dive, I will take the following information with me for a deeper-dive:

1. Which side of her shoulder was hurting?
Left - Any issues with mother-in-law / mother / sister / experience of herself as a mother?
Right - Any issues with husband / father-in-law / father / work?

2. Her kids have pneumonia. Pneumonia, as per Louise Hay, is an expression of - Desperate. Tired of Life. Emotional Wounds that are not allowed to heal.

Our kids have diseases / physical conditions which could be an expression of our thoughts and feelings.

In the deeper-dive over Zoom, I would also look for these signs and use this as a way to take her deeper for her to see the darkness within she wasn't willing to see or was blind to so that she can do the work to dissolve the darkness.

3. In the next deep-dive over Zoom, I will check her in with asking her to assess her shoulder pain from 0 to 10.
And, get her to experience her Power to Create™ by being at the source of her own perfect health and joyous well-being.

Her acknowledgement of herself is far more important than her gratitude for me. Her experience of her own Power to Create™ is far more important for her progress on her good to great journey than her awe and admiration for me. I want her to experience her own power to create than be aware of me.

RYD Coaching Principles at Play:

1. Gear 1: Agility of Mind: Spiritual Value - Love for Self: Consciousness - I am extraordinary and I love myself.
i. I am responsible for all that happens in my Space - Our physical symptoms are an expression of our energy, emotional, mental and spiritual state.

2. Gear 2: Being of Service: Spiritual Value: Gratitude: Consciousness - You are extraordinary and I love you.
Distinctions:
i. You are extraordinary and I love you - Relating to our coachees as extraordinary and acknowledging them for their positive qualities which they themselves may not be seeing.

3: Gear 3: Communicating Powerfully in the World of Others: Spiritual Value - Reverence: Consciousness - I trust the process of Life. I trust the Universe. I trust the process of life. I trust the Universe. The Universe is gifting me my highest good, moment to moment. I am a channel of massive positive impact. I am making a difference.
Distinctions:
i. Committed Listening
ii. Stepping inside the world of others
iii. Leading with Questions - Giving the Power back to the Coachee.
iv. Being an Empty Space - The Coachee is the Hero of their Life, not us.
v. Childlike trust and Faith
vi. Relationship of Equals
vii. Authentic Connection

4. Gear 4: Delivering on our Word: Spiritual Value - Integrity: Consciousness - I am whole, complete and perfect as I am right now. You are whole, complete and perfect as they are right now. Life is whole, complete and perfect as it is right now. I am my word. I believe in myself. I believe in you.
Distinctions:
i. Integrity - Hat tipping the Source
ii. Shining the Light - on the coachee's positive qualities with belief in their undeniable greatness and acknowledging them for that to concretise and maximise their positive qualities to strengthen their Inner Light.
iii. Being a Nurturing Space - for them to experience their own greatness and access their own Power to Create™

5. Gear 5: Excellence: Spiritual Value - Love for self, Love for everyone and Love for everything: Consciousness - I love, accept and respect myself as I am right now. I love, accept and respect all beings as they are right now. I love, accept and respect Life itself as it is right now. I am Infinite Love. I am Infinite Joy. I am Infinite Equanimity. I am Infinite Loving Kindness. I am Infinite Abundance.
Distinctions:
i. See the Pain, Not Be the Pain
ii. Mind without Preference
iii. DLCM - Do Less to Create More Value. Coach using RYD framework (Leadership Depth Distinctions, Craft Mastery Contribution Indicators and Business Excellence franeworks) and link postwork to RYD Habits, RYD Transformative Practises and RYD Games.
iv. Going Deeper
v. Completing the Loop - even if, over number of deep-dives

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RYD Book of Greatness

Transference on the Coach

Using Physical Body Symptoms to Coach

Author

Archives

Categories

Home

ENTREPRENEURSHIP

LEADERSHIP

Personal EXCELLENCE

ARTICLES

Realize Your Dreams Gym™
for
Business, Leadership and Life Mastery
Centre for Transformational Leadership™ . Centre for Entrepreneurial Excellence™ . Centre for Personal Excellence™
Mums At Work™ . Centre for Sports Excellence™ . Centre for Coaching Excellence™