Transference on the Coach

​Dear Socratians,

I had a conversation with V.

He would like to take a break from RYD. I feel this is a good decision. I support his decision for the following reasons:

1. Not being Courage of being true to his Truth with j by not sharing on 4-Oct that he will not be coming in the December EXPAND Event, and telling his coach he wouldn’t be coming to the EXPAND Event because Sabarimala was planned though it was for money reasons. 

He also agreed to Rs 7.2 Lakhs program because he didn’t have the Courage to be true to his Truth and say No to j.

He acknowledged this in our deep-dive today and saw that there was Transference of his relationship with his father onto j. 

He had a similar pattern of relationship with his father. He was not able to say No to his father and be true to his own Truth.

When we are unable to be true to our own Truth, we suffer and as a consequence, others suffer.

Transference occurs when we unconsciously redirect feelings, expectations, or patterns of behaviour that we developed in past relationships (such as with a parent) onto someone in the present (such as our spouse, leader, mentor, coach etc.). For example, if your father was critical or distant, you might project those experiences onto your husband and respond to him with the same low-energy emotions as if he were your father.

What would most contribute to V would be for him to break this pattern. 

His break from RYD is in effect is a break from me, and is a symbolic representation of him standing up to an authority figure in his life.

He acknowledged that he had learnt to say No in all his relationships except to me. 

Here's an example of his creating his Reality from his small mind - By mistake, I wrote 2:57 am instead of 2:57 pm as below:

Monday 2-Dec 2:57 am IST
Tuesday 3-Dec 9:01 am IST

He didn't check back with me. He assumed that I was giving him the choice of only one slot under the garb of two since 2:57 am is not a workable slot. Instead of calling that out from a place of love and belief, he felt unsupported and just accepted 9:01 am. He shared this during our Completion Conversation, which is when I shared it was a typo.

This is an example how we come from our small mind and create our experience in alignment with our small mind and Hole in the Soul. That is why every low energy emotion needs to be acknowledged and brought into the Operation Theatre of Deep Awareness, dissected with the surgical tool of Raw Honesty for us to see the Truth of our ugly Fear hiding within for us to dissolve it with the healing power of our Loving Acceptance. Now, we can raise our consciousness all the way to Gear 5, create a reality-defying Intention to fulfil and impossible, unimaginable, crazy-big Dream to realize.

My supporting V's choice to break from me would strengthen his Courage to stand up for himself and give him the freedom to be true to his Truth, a gift we want to give to our children and to our coachees for them to break the unconscious unhealthy pattern of not being true to their Truth. Like Kay would say, I enabled Individuation for him which teenage boys need to grow up to be healthy adults.

I have a coachee who I have given an RYD Habit to say No to me to practise being True to their Truth.

2. RYD had become a comfort zone for V. He had moved to the next year every subsequent year blindly, without thinking about it; telling us the importance of the Awaken Journey to ensure the coachee is 10 on 10 before stepping up into the next year.

3. V had not been following RYD Growth Habits including Deep-dive Reflections or Weekly Reflections or Article of the Day Reflections inspite of making promises. This is actually a symptom of him not being a 10 on 10 about being in RYD.

He created the following Intention for 31-Dec-2025 during our Completion Conversation today:
I am happy and grateful to practice relationship of equals, implement all my learnings and make a massive difference to my customers through 3 growth levers – Leadership Depth, Craft Mastery, Business Excellence – creating an impact of USD 1 Million with 20% profitability while Having It All. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

He completes effective 30-Nov-24, 5 months after the start of his 5th year from the Invoicing perspective. He has requested for delayed investment schedule by 5-Jun-25, which I have accepted.

Here are my learnings from the Completion Conversation with V:
1. Awaken Journey is even more super critical for those going to the next year in RYD for the coachees to know what is their Truth with respect to RYD so that we can support them to honour that. 
2. Proposing a financial solution does not serve the coachee. If the coachee is challenged financially, it would serve them more to let them go rather than make it financially easier for them.
3. I missed to see that V was not standing up for his Truth on 4-Oct and when I offered Rs 7.2 Catalyst program. I need to build the muscle to read my grand-coachees with the depth that I read my coachees.
4. Business results are key for the coachee to continue their journey with RYD as their structure of success. 
5. It's important to show the mirror to the coachee as soon as it is visible that they are building a business for revenue and profit, and not for purpose and positive impact.

Actions that I will take as an outcome of this learning experience:
1. Integrate the Awaken Journey for RYD Soul as part of the year-end reflection to contribute to the coaches in a same way we contribute to our coachees by creating a safe space for them to see their Truth and owning it.
2. Increase my presence in the moment instead of depending on time spent with the coachee to be their effective double through stepping up on my Personal Practise.
3. Being a No to offering financial solutions to coachees from a place of Love and Care. Any exception to this would be discussed and agreed by RYD Soul.
4. Step up the focus on coachee's Business outcomes as part of the quarterly deep-dives.
5. Support RYD Coaches to show the mirror to their coachees.

Here are few questions for your reflection, integration and learning:
1. In which of your relationships, do you observe the mechanism of Transference at play? 
2. What is the impact of Transference in your relationship with them?
3. Reflect on any Transference on your Coach from your side and share.

Keep observing with curiosity, reflecting, uncovering, embracing and loving what is to joyously lead yourself and your coachees from good to great, realize your dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun and adventure along the way 💜

Loving you,
j.