Why go in Search of Discomfort Zones?

Someone asked me what is a Comfort Zone. 

Here’s a point on the Ball of Perspective:

Being in a Comfort Zone means we are not growing because growth lies outside our comfort zone.

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Why does Growth lie outside the Comfort Zone? 

It is because our fears lie outside our comfort zone, which show up as resistances. Our fears are our only barrier to growth. 

Our work is to maximise our growth and realize our limitless potential. The way to do that is to dissolve all our fears lying hidden in our conscious, sub-conscious and unconscious mind. Therefore, our work as peaceful warriors is to go on a journey in search of fears with the torchlight of awareness so that we can dissolve all our fears with our loving embrace.

Our fears become visible to us outside our comfort zone. That is why growth lies outside our comfort zone.

We are in our Comfort Zone when:

1. We have the same complaints and problems week on week.

2. We have no problems or challenges.

3. We aren’t learning something new.

4. We aren’t seeing something we hadn’t seen before.

5. We aren’t understanding something that we hadn’t understood before.

6. We are not experiencing the struggles of being a beginner in something.

7. We don’t experience fear from time to time.

8. We don’t lose our confidence and belief from time to time.

9. Everything is working well. Life is good. The boat of our life is sailing smoothly.

10. There is no experience of growth. 

11. We are uncomfortable the same way, week on week. 

Nature is super smart. She put our experience of Happiness and Fulfilment as an outcome of our growth; and put our growth outside our comfort zone.


Why don't we want to step outside our comfort zones?

We don't want to step outside our comfort zone because comfort zones are our safety zones. Outside the comfort zone is unsafe. It boils down to our evolutionary process of Survival of the Fittest that has trained our mind over millions of years to choose safety over growth and happiness.

Our Fear Consciousness mind has evolved us as a species to a good place. If we now want to progress ahead in our evolutionary journey from good to great, our default fear-sourced mind needs to be retrained. If we can be the master of our mind instead of being its slave, we can use its immense power to dissolve all fears from the depths of our mind for us to live from the light of our undeniable greatness, expressed in the form of massive positive impact that we would then be able to create.

The way to master our mind is to weave into our lives ways to continuously step outside our comfort zones. There are 3 ways we can make that happen.

1. Using Life to step outside our comfort zones by being a Yes to Life.

2. Create life situations to create discomfort zones.

3. Make your intentions reality-defying and dreams unimaginable, impossible, crazy-big. This will demand actions outside our comfort zone. Take those actions to chose discomfort zones.

Here are examples from my life to make the above 3 ways real so that you can actively create your life to be in your discomfort zones to choose growth, impact and happiness.


1. Using Life to step outside our comfort zones by being a Yes to Life

Our 16 year old son wanted to attend the Guns n Roses concert in Mumbai. I am not a concert person. I am more hide-behind-the-book person and my comfort zone is my den from where I step into the Zoom Room. Not only our son wants to attend the concert, he also wants to have a train experience on the way to Mumbai to build the vibe. 

Guns n Roses is hard rock which I have hated listening to while growing up. I am more a country music, soft gentle music kind of a person, who now enjoys more old hindi songs and bhajans with every passing year.

I enthusiastically said Yes to Life and I grew massively as an outcome of that. Aditya, me, Shivenn and our nephew boarded the train, which is when it dawned on me that trains take longer to reach their destination than planes and that I would need to take a deep-dive perched up on the top berth of our bogey. I also had to submit my weekly assignment for the online MIT AI program I am doing by Sunday 8:30 am after being up most of the night rocking and rolling at the concert. The hotel that Aditya had chosen for us to stay wasn't the kind I would have chosen. Continuous stepping up to Gear 3 consciousness through the entire time created such a magical fun experience for all of us.
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​We were waiting in the hot sun from 3:00 pm to enter the concert ground to get a good place though the concert was to start at 6:45 pm. 

​To make it fun, I sang loudly - We shall Overcome and our National Anthem - much to the embarrassment of my son and nephew but they soon joined in along with some brave souls from the waiting crowd. My husband caught us candid on his mobile camera, giving me an opportunity to share the story.

In my experience, if you do whatever you do from your heart and soul, people sooner or later join in, however much they have laughed at you in the beginning. It requires one to be at least in Gear 3 Consciousness to play like this where one is an Empty Space with no limiting thoughts about self, about others and of Life itself. Only when there are no limiting thoughts, only then can one be spontaneous and be a Yes to Life. One keeps falling off from the ease and grace of Gear 3, but the practise of getting back to Gear 3 consciousness every time one experiences a fall is what strengthens us in Gear 3 Consciousness. Life is a beautiful training ground for this muscle-building.

Our son and nephew finally get into the flow with our national anthem. When we used to go for movies when our kids were younger, both the kids would hide when I would sing our national anthem loudly and mostly out of tune, with all my heart and soul, before the start of every movie we watched in the theatres. 

Spontaneity and Creativity are Gear 3 distinctions. Higher the anxiety because of limiting thoughts, lower the spontaneity. Lower the spontaneity, lower the creativity. 

The game is to practise Spontaneity in Life to strengthen ourselves in Gear 3 Consciousness. To act crazy in a crowd requires one to give one's power of massive belief to - I am extraordinary and I love myself (Gear 1 Consciousness). You are extraordinary and I love you (Gear 2 Consciousness). I trust the process of Life. I trust the Universe. The Universe is gifting me my highest good, moment to moment. I am making a difference. I am a channel of massive positive impact (Gear 3 Consciousness).

Nearly 9 years ago, I read a book by Rich Litvin and immediately decided that he was going to be my coach. Finally I found myself in a call with him, he told me to do crazy, ridiculous, silly things and report back to him on what I did before we explored our way forward. I had mortal fear of roller coasters. I did all the roller coasters while on a holiday with family in UAE. I rolled down the sand-dune as my young kids looked at their crazy mother with incredulous amazement. And, lot of other crazy, silly, ridiculous stuff that I can't remember now which freed me from my own significance giving me freedom to take risks to create what was not possible before. Rich did take me on as his coachee and I joined a group of 7 other coaches from US, Europe, UK and South America. The program with him shifted my business model to pave the path to where our business is today. I birthed Centre for Transformational Leadership in Dec 2016 and hibernated the earlier business model.

I understood why Sara Blakely, at that time the youngest woman billionaire, would dance in an elevator full of people. She said she did it to be free of embarrassment because that was the biggest barrier to growth. 


​2. Create life situations to create Discomfort Zones
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A life of Massive Growth to realize our Highest Potential and create Massive Positive Impact in the world is all about mastering Fear. Fear is an absence of Love. There are 2 types of Fear - one in the Body and one in the Mind. Honour Fear that shows up in your Body because Wisdom is in the Body.
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Master Fear in the Mind by:
a. Doing what you fear (fears of the mind)
b. Doing what you have an aversion for
c. Doing what you resist
d. Doing what you hate
e. Doing what you don't want to do
f. Dropping what you crave for
g. Doing what you are embarrassed about

All the above are ways to create life situations to choose discomfort zones.

It is important to distinguish between the voice of the hole in the soul (ego) and the voice of the whole soul (Inner Wisdom) because many times the voice of the hole in the soul will masquerade as the Inner Wisdom. Therefore, it is important to play the game to master Fear in the holding of our space by our coach because our coach can see what we can't see about ourselves and is our Truth Teller, Mirror Shower, Blindspot Revealer.

I used the Mumbai Guns n Roses trip also to explore possible venues for our August Community EXPAND Event. The last venue was scheduled on the way to the Airport on our way back home on Sunday after our adventure. By chance, Aditya checked the time of the flight and exclaimed - 'The flight departure is at 3:45 pm and not at 5:00 pm, which was our assumption all along. We will have to go directly to the airport instead of the hotel where we had planned to have lunch as well.'

I observed a myriad of emotions in me - anger, upset, blame, worry, irritation. I call the Airline to check if I can reschedule my flight to later in the night for me to meet the hotel's sales manager and review the venue. I am told it can't be done. I tell Aditya I will stay back and book myself in a later flight. Above the noise of my emotions, I hear him say - 'Do the meeting over Zoom. Why do you need to meet in person? Why don't you go back today and come back on another day? I will also come with you.' His voice and ideas further intensify my emotions.

I go quiet and pause to process my emotions - I see that I am not experiencing Aditya as whole, complete and perfect in that moment. I also see that I am not experiencing the situation, Life itself, as not whole, complete and perfect in that moment. I see that in that moment - I am not trusting the Universe. I am not trusting the process of Life. I am not experiencing that the Universe is gifting me my highest good, moment to moment.

As I see this, I make the choice - I trust the process of Life. The Universe is gifting me my Highest Good, moment to moment. This situation is whole, complete and perfect as it is right now. Aditya is whole, complete and perfect as he is right now. I am whole, complete and perfect as I am right now.

In the peace that this gives me in my heart, mind and soul, I call up the hotel's sales manager and acknowledge that I have messed up the schedule making a wrong assumption about the flight time. He graciously accepts my request to reschedule on a mutually convenient date.

I go home with my family to spend the Sunday with them. Aditya says this getaway would give us a chance to re-initiate our promise to each other to go on monthly get-aways by ourselves, without the kids.

On the way to board the flight, I feel unloved and uncared for because Aditya is hurrying me up and I don't get a chance to pack my vegan lunch before we board. I had missed my morning juice which is my breakfast as I was busy studying and submitting my assignment for the MIT AI program I am doing. Therefore, I am looking forward to eating a sumptuous, delicious vegan lunch at the hotel, which we end up not going to. On the flight, I wouldn't get vegan food. I observe a tumult of emotions in response to my Hole in the Soul that woke up again. In the observation of my emotions, I found my Space of Grace to access my Power to Choose - 'Life is whole, complete and perfect as it is right now. Aditya is whole, complete and perfect as he is right now. I am whole, complete and perfect as I am right now.'

In the peace that this gave me in my heart, mind and soul, I made the right decision of water-only fasting on that Sunday because anyway the whole day, I only had water; instead of next day. Monday is my weekly water-only fasting day. By switching, I would be eating healthy, delicious, fresh plant-based food made by my vegan-food trained cook. As part of her craft mastery, I had her trained with a chef as well. Nobody makes more delicious food than her. 

Where ever we go, we carry our consciousness with us. Our consciousness is not a function of other people and of life. It is a function of who we are Being - Fear or Love - in response to Life. Once we access our Power to Choose a higher consciousness state in response to life situations, it becomes available to us in other situations. 

In our weekly Strategy Execution meeting today, I fell from grace and felt anger, worry and irritation arising seeing a leadership team member break our shared Values. In that instant, I lost my power to be of service to her and broke our shared Values. Because I had done it before in another situation, I recreated myself to go to Gear 4 Consciousness in-event: Life is whole, complete and perfect as it is right now. She is whole, complete and perfect as she is right now. I am whole, complete and perfect as I am right now.

In the peace that this gives me in my heart, mind and soul, I coach her for her to find her way back home to her authentic self of Love to embrace discomfort.

When we choose discomfort; we choose growth, positive impact and happiness.

When we embrace discomfort; we embrace growth, positive impact and happiness.

​When we welcome discomfort; we welcome growth, positive impact and happiness.

Here we are, Aditya and me, waiting for the concert to start, wearing Guns n Roses bandanas, to get into the vibe. That's not my vibe but I do it anyway to joyously flow along with Life.

Through this trip, I drop 'Significance' that I had picked up along the way of being the coach and feel light and free, ready to create bigger and better than ever before; trusting the Universe even more than ever before, feeling more ease and grace than ever before by making the choice of Gear 4 Consciousness (I am whole, complete and perfect as I am right now. You are whole, complete and perfect as you are right now. Life is whole, complete and perfect as it is right now.) in-event, in the face of no agreement from Life.

Actively creating life situations to throw ourselves out of our comfort zones and choosing discomfort is what progresses us on our good to great journey with greater velocity.

Here are some examples how I threw myself out of my comfort zone by creating life situations:

a. Doing what you fear (fears of the mind) - I had fear of flying. I travelled to 4 countries in a year and embraced my fear to experience it dissolving; and feeling lighter and free.

b. Doing what you have an aversion for - I am finicky about cleanliness and have an aversion for dirt. We were in an elephant sanctuary in Thailand. My default is to keep a safe distance from elephants romping in dirty water. I stepped into the dirtiest pond ever to bathe them, and they thanked me by throwing muddy water on me with their trunk. I even hugged a big dirty elephant. I came away lighter having dropped an aversion behind. 

c. Doing what you resist - I resist listening to my husband's advise on what I should do and what I should not. It always landed on me as criticism. I am practising giving my committed listening to him, the kind of listening I bring to my coachees. My quality of listening has become better as an outcome of that and that has improved my coaching effectiveness.

d. Doing what you hate - I have Thalassemia Minor, meaning I am genetically anaemic and tire easily. I hate my Karate classes because I feel exhausted. That's why I do Karate classes twice a week. I hate the exhaustion during the class but the surge of energy that I experience after every class for having gone beyond what my mind did not want me to do.

e. Doing what you don't want to do - Household chores. I have taken on de-cluttering and cleaning for 15 minutes daily as a growth habit.

f. Dropping what you crave for - Removing sugar and processed food from my diet.

g. Doing what you are embarrassed about - I lost my 2 lower front teeth. I got a flipper because I didn't want an implant inserted surgically. I got a blister which hurt when I put on a flipper. I realized I was embarrassed about showing up for deep-dives with missing teeth. As soon as that awareness emerged, I sat through all my deep-dives without my flipper.

​h. Doing what you are uncomfortable about - Hosting an event is outside of my comfort zone. I would rather coach than host events. I know an in-person event with Verne Harnish would contribute because it would take the scaling-up implementation deeper into the businesses that we coach, progressing them on their good to great journey with greater ease, grace and velocity. So, I swallowed my discomfort and worked through my sacred pause to make the event happen, investing at a level that is hugely outside my comfort zone. Writing articles is my comfort zone, writing a book is outside my comfort zone. So, I have taken on putting the first one out because I do not get weekly coaching immersions with my mentees and leadership teams of my coachees; both of whom I meet only once a month. In order to support them progress on their good to great journey, a book would be a useful tool.

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3. Make your intentions reality-defying and dreams unimaginable, impossible, crazy-big. This will demand actions outside our comfort zone. Take those actions to chose discomfort zones.

More reality-defying our intentions, more crazy-big impossible unimaginable our dreams, greater growth we have gifted ourselves. Since growth lies outside our comfort zones, our intentions and dreams push us outside our comfort zone. 

What could be crazier than dreaming to nurture great businesses from our land enabling our country to be the world's most developed, beautiful and greenest nation. Not just great but nurturing 60% of world's Fortune 100, Fortune 500, Forbes Global 2000 from our land. Believe it Till you Create it is what I live by. And, this dream has moved me from the comfort of being a solopreneur to taking on building a community of world's best CEO Coaches, from the comfort of the Zoom room to the rawness of in-person deep-dive immersions, from the comfort of judiciously managing expenses to the discomfort of over-investing in a Business Excellence thought leader without knowing if our community will welcome the learning opportunity for them and their leaders, from the comfort of learning online to the discomfort of flying across oceans to learn from world's best teachers in-person, from the comfort of being a mentor to taking on creating a community of world's best thought leaders to support us on our journey to fulfil on our big hairy audacious goal. 

​May we all be in our uncomfortable zones, different by the week, for life to joyously lead ourselves and our businesses from good to great, realize our impossible unimaginable crazy-big dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun and adventure along the way 💜

Loving you,
j.