Dream Lifestyle and One-Pager
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My hole in the soul is - 'I am all alone. No one loves me.' This fear kept me in a dysfunctional, emotionally and physically abusive relationship for 19 years and after a separation of 1.5 years, pulled me right back only for us to separate again after 1.5 years because the limiting patterns came right back.

My previous Dream Lifestyle finished in June 2022 and I could not get myself to write my next Dream Lifestyle and my One-Pager for 2023. I didn't find the time is always the surface reason. Underneath is always resistance. The resistance was that I did not know what to create for my relationship with my spouse. Should I create an intention of Divorce because the scare of that had kept me a prisoner in a relationship that was no longer serving him or me, or should I create an intention for yet another recreation of the relationship? My soul said - Recreation, my mind said - Divorce and my heart only cried. 

He fractured my hand in Oct 2019 in a fit of rage just days before our 19th wedding anniversary. That pushed me into the darkest dungeons of despair which took me 9 months to crawl out of, and another 12 months to forgive myself and forgive him. I faced everything that I was terrified of - loneliness because I finally gathered the courage to walk out. Kids chose to stay with him which broke my heart into a trillion pieces. That's how it became gentler and found its way to Love. Of course, I was silly to not have managed my finances. So, I had no penny in my bank account when I walked out and at 47, I found myself living off my parents' retirement funds because the emotional, mental, spiritual and physical trauma had shut-down my business. I also found myself sharing an apartment with 2 other flatmates. I would crawl out of bed because of 2 coachees I still had. They don't even know that they saved my life. If it wasn't for them, I would have had no reason to get out of bed. The Universe came together to help me crawl out of my hell-hole to joyous freedom. Total strangers came into my life as my mentors, guides and coaches who pulled me through. I was tempted to get back to my corporate job after 9 years of building my business breaking 10 Business Models along the way. I nearly gave away my professional freedom by signing up with a global HR firm who were willing to give me better financial terms that they gave to their best empaneled coaches. I chose to remain true to my purpose through thick and thin, and massive business breakthrough finally happened. Everything began to come together. It seems as if the business breakthrough happened in 2020 but it was only possible because of the work done in 12 years before the breakthrough. And, I can clearly see how my fractured hand was instrumental in creating the breakthrough in business. My business grew massively with ease and grace from pre-fracture to post-fracture when I rebuilt my business. I know why that happened. It happened because the fracture and the subsequent massive inner work I did to heal myself raised my consciousness to the level I had not experienced before.

After our 2nd separation, Aditya said he couldn't deal with our relationship anymore, let's just divorce. I said that is not part of my plan because I am holding space for recreation. He said let's get back to Couple's Therapy and let Tania, our Couple's Therapist, either help us get back together again or help us get a mutual divorce. In the first session of our 2nd time journey with her, Tania told me - 'Jyoti, you are like a kid who wants to play in the sand pit but the other kid doesn't want to play. You can't force him to play.' That hit hard. I had a session with my Nutrition Coach few days later. She said if you love people, you let them go. That hit me even harder. I sat listening to 'जाने वो कैसे लोग थे जिनके प्यार को प्यार मिला, हमने तो जब कलियाँ माँगी, काँटों का हार मिला with wet hot tears tumbling out and I let them tumble out in honour of the pain my heart felt. For the first time perhaps, I did not make my pain or my tears wrong. I just sent love to myself and felt whole even as tears coursed down my cheeks. In one session with Nisha, my yoga teacher (who assists Uttara, my yoga mentor) based out of Pune, I just showed up in our Zoom session with tears tumbling out and did my personal yoga practise on the mat as she watched in silence because she understood that my pain was so deep that her words could not reach that place. By the end of my practise, my eyes dried-up, heart felt lighter and centred, body felt grounded, mind felt still, soul felt connected for me to be ready to lead my coaching sessions the next day starting with 5:01 Daily Huddle.

​I accessed deep grief lying hidden below many layers in my session with Scottie, my therapist who is a professor of Psychodrama in a University in New Jersey. I touched raw grief of seeing my vision of a happy family break as I finally accepted Divorce as a reality in my life after spending 23 years avoiding it. I was attached to my Vision of a happy family which made me sit through the trials and tribulations of our married life inspite of physical abuse, emotional pain of infidelity and anger at feeling trapped. I was carrying the burden of my mother who kept suffering emotional abuse in her married life and never looked at Divorce as an option. On 1-Jan-2020, when I walked out of the relationship nursing my fractured hand, it was my first step of freeing myself and ensuring I don't pass on the burden to my kids. When I accepted Divorce, it was another step towards freeing myself from that burden. We were on a verge of Divorce with the date set with our lawyers as 23-July-23 to mutually agree on terms for out-of-court settlement and Divorce. 

When you accept what is and stop struggling to create, grace steps in. I realized the reason the first recreation failed is because though I had forgiven myself and I had forgiven him, I did not hold him to account for taking responsibility for breaking my hand and taking some affirmative action as an expression of his taking responsibility. When old limiting patterns emerged again, this time I asked him to leave the house with the request for him to take up personal therapy and go to Vipassana as a way to do his own inner work because for a relationship to work, it is not enough that one person only does the inner work. My learnings have been:
1. A person on a personal transformational journey needs a supportive environment. That is why I grew massively when we were separated and struggled to grow in a critical, judgmental, bullying space that I experienced with him when we were together.
2. Both partners need to grow and become whole for the relationship to be whole and complete.
3. It's never that one person in a relationship is a devil and the other is an angel. It's the battle of the darkness in him with the darkness in me. My small mind and his small mind dancing together in a vicious traumatic cycle. My hole in the soul and his hole in the soul. Darkness upon darkness. That's the truth of the story. Both are equally traumatised. If he wrote an article, the pain that would come through would tear through each one of our hearts.
4. Even if I took on being the bigger person in the relationship, I needed an emotionally safe space to dissolve my small mind and hole-in-the-soul. Separation and staying alone created that space for me. 
5. Challenges are gifts if you choose to use them to raise your consciousness. When you walk the journey to raise your consciousness, that's when joyous ease and grace comes along to decorate your life.

He said he did not feel ready for personal therapy or Vipassana. So if that's my pre-condition for us to get back, let's just divorce. That is where we were when we went back to Tania, our couple's therapist.

Few sessions with Tania, Aditya has now started his personal therapy. It is helping him understand his emotions better. And, he has shared his intention to get back to Isha meditation and yoga. This creates the space for me to invite him back into my life and rebuild our family together. 

That freed me to create my next 5-years Dream Lifestyle. It is bigger, more scary, more audacious. It has Aditya and me joyously contributing to the world by co-leading Bliss Relationship Coaching program for married couples and Happy Families coaching program for families to become loving, nurturing spaces for children to joyously unleash their limitless potential to become the greatest versions of themselves to make a massive difference in the world by living their Purpose through their work, leading themselves and their work from good to great, realize their dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun along the way. 

If Aditya and I can heal ourselves to transform our relationship and heal our family, we would know everything viscerally that is there to know to realize the above dream. 

My outcome goals for 2023 are clear to me now:
1. Deeply fulfilling, successful, profitable business supporting us to live our purpose of life; gifting us with impact, contribution and financial freedom - Make a massive difference to my RYD Coaches and through them, their coachees
​ii. Loving, harmonious, positive, uplifting relationships at work and at home - Heal my relationship with my spouse and recreate our friendship.
iii. Happy, healthy, responsible kids with their genius joyfully expressed - Heal my kids in partnership with Aditya and give them a nurturing, loving, happy home; with all of us staying together feeling deeply grateful for our healing and coming together.
iv. Nourishing, nurturing ourselves to the highest level of health, fitness and joyous well-being - physical, emotional, mental, spiritual - Get my golf handicap to 20.
v. Making a massive difference through the work we do - Make a massive difference to my 8 Brave Hearts and 2 Guardians of Light

​Breakdowns, problems, challenges, obstacles, troubles are all breakthroughs waiting to happen. Don't let the ugly paper they are wrapped in fool you. Breakdowns, problems, challenges, obstacles and troubles are our best friends on our journey as they are precious hints for us to find our way to our higher selves and win the Treasure Hunt of Life to joyously lead ourselves and our business from good to great, realize our dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun along the way

Here are the 5 steps to transform every breakdown, problem, challenge, obstacle, trouble into a breakthrough:

1. Awareness 
2. Acceptance and Understanding
3. Energy Shifting by Making the Choice
4. Intention Creation
5. Playing to Win

1. Awareness
​The first step is to develop greater awareness of the voice of our soul in the spiritual body, thoughts in our mental body, feelings in our emotional body and sensations in the physical body. In another words, raise our human consciousness. RYD Growth Habits are designed to create a safe space within for our awareness to increase. 

Leadership development is elevating human consciousness which means developing greater awareness of our spiritual, mental, emotional and physical bodies. If I put my hand in the fire and I have no awareness of the sensation of my hand burning, I will continue to keep my hand in fire and allow my hand to burn and disintegrate. If I have the awareness of the sensation, I will immediately pull my hand away. What it means is that when I have high awareness, I will not harm myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually; and I will not harm others because harming others is same as harming myself. It's in giving that we receive. 

When I have high awareness, I will think, speak and act only in a way that contributes to myself and contributes to others. That is why Mother Teresa and Mahatma Gandhi were Leaders; and Hitler and Osama Bin Laden were Anti-Leaders.

When we operate from our default fear consciousness, we numb ourselves from our sensations, feelings and emotions, cloud our thinking as a way to protect ourselves from the pain; not realising that experiencing the pain is the way to be free of it. If I can feel the pain of my burning hand, I will immediately pull my hand back to be free of it. A higher order awareness is required to even have this understanding.

The state of consciousness of the Spiritual Body results in thoughts in the Mental Body, which results in feelings and emotions in the emotional body, which results in sensations in the physical body, which results in words and actions by the physical body, which create our circumstances, which acts as an external stimuli and concretises the state of the spiritual body. And, the cycle of life repeats ad infinitum till we choose to break it to create a new Reality, new Circumstances, new Experiences.

There is a way to release ourselves from the pain of our default fear consciousness and unleash our undeniable greatness to become the greatest versions of ourselves, which is through practises that elevate our human consciousness, increase our awareness of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies for us to shift from Fear Consciousness to Love Consciousness in our Spiritual Body; from stressful Limiting Thoughts to centering, grounding Limitless Thoughts in our Mental Body leading us to be Equanimity in the face of chaos; from draining, negative feelings to joyful, positive, uplifting feelings in our Emotional Body; from exhaustion and disease to joyous well-being in our Physical Body. That has us be Grace and Ease in who we are, Grace and Ease in all our relationships, Grace and Ease in Life; along with having fun and experiencing the joy of being alive coursing through every cell of our body.

With the above as the context, the first step for transforming any problem, challenge, breakdown is Awareness. The physical body is more gross (material, therefore easy to understand) than the emotional body which is more subtle (difficult to understand) than the physical body. The emotional body is more gross (easier to understand) than the mental body which is more subtle than the emotional body. The mental body more gross than the Spiritual Body, which is more subtle than the mental body.

That means if we are starting the journey of increasing our Awareness, we would first become more aware of our sensations and feelings than thoughts or voice of our soul.

Therefore, when you want to transform a breakdown into a breakthrough, first become aware of your sensations and feelings. 

How are you feeling? Use the below emotional range to identify how are you feeling. Close your eyes. Where in your body do you feel it? 

If the feeling is anywhere from 6 to 22, we are in the grip of the small mind and our Hole in the Soul. At 6, the grip has begun to form and by 22, we are fully in the grip. Check in with your small mind thoughts and Hole in the Soul in your Energy Shifter. Check for resonance. Do the previously identified small mind thoughts and the Hole in the Soul resonate with you in this moment? 

2. Acceptance and Understanding 
As soon as you can see and feel the resonance, that awareness creates a Space of Grace. The Space of Grace creates a gap between me and my thoughts and feelings. That gap allows me to accept that I am responsible for all that happens in my Space and creates an Understanding that if I am responsible, then I have the Power to Create another Reality.

3. Energy Shifting by Making the Conscious Choice
While in that Space of Grace, read your Whole Soul (I am 'followed by your Values') and your Big Mind (your chosen limitless thoughts about yourself, about other people and about life itself) which is your promise as the place to come from, as the energy to vibrate with. Make the Conscious Choice to shift your Energy from the Hole in the Soul and small mind to your Whole Soul and big mind.

The Red Indian grandfather tells his grandson - Grandson, we have 2 wolves in us. The Good Wolf and the Bad Wolf. The grandson says - Which wolf is stronger, Grandfather? The grandfather says - Which ever wolf you feed?

We have both - good wolf (our Whole Soul and our Big Mind) and the bad wolf (our Hole in the Soul and the small mind) - in us. It is our choice which wolf we feed. Whichever wolf we keep believing in, keep speaking and acting from, that wolf strengthens. Limiting Habits nurtures and nourishes the bad wolf. RYD Growth Habits nurtures and nourishes the good wolf and makes it stronger. The bad wolf in us keeps our undeniable greatness locked up in the tower beyond our reach. While the purpose of the good wolf is to free our undeniable greatness and unleash our highest potential for us to joyously live in the expression of our undeniable genius and make a massive difference in the world. The Mahabharata plays out within us each moment. Whether the Pandavas (or the good wolf) led by Krishna (our Thrival Consciousness sourced in Love and Abundance) wins the battle on the battleground of our Consciousness or the Kauravas (or the bad wolf) led by Shakuni Mama (our Survival Consciousness sourced in Fear and Scarcity) wins will always be our choice. 

​That Choice requires Agility of Mind, our first Gear 1 Leadership Muscle. If we are regular with our Gear 1 RYD Growth Habits, it would be easier to make the choice to shift our Inner Energy.

In Gear 2, the 2nd Leadership Muscle (Being of Service), it is even more easy to make the choice to shift our Inner Energy. With every next Leadership Muscle, it becomes progressively easier to shift our Inner Energy from helplessness and powerlessness to the joy of creation.

Transformation to our Highest Self is a 4-step Process -

a. Unconscious Incompetence (Ignorance): At this level, we are at the effect of Life - either as Victims or Fighters or Super Hero Martyrs. Things happen and we are not even aware that we are creating them, consciously or unconsciously. We have no access to our Power to Create™ our life in alignment with our intentions and dreams. We are not even aware of our intentions and dreams, not even aware of who we are and what our Purpose is.

b. Conscious Incompetence (Starter Track of Transformation): Then, one day Awareness descends either through Pain (learning through life's experiences) or through Insights (learning through coaching / mentoring). Then, we begin to see how we are at the source of all the chaos in our life and as yet, we have no power to do anything but to observe at this stage. This step is progress, yet most people may become disheartened thinking they have regressed rather than recognising that they have actually progressed on the journey of transformation. 

c. Conscious Competence (Champion Track of Transformation): In this stage, we make a conscious effort to shift our energy from low state to a high state, from the energy of the Hole in our Soul and small mind to the energy of our Whole Soul and big mind by making a Conscious Choice anytime we become aware of our low physical and emotional energy states and taking Actions (thinking, speaking and acting) from our Whole Soul and big mind in response to Life. It is Taking Actions which concretises the Choice, otherwise the Choice dissolves the moment it is made.

d. Unconscious Competence (Mastery Track of Transformation): If we keep Making the Choice to shift our energy through RYD Growth Habits and keep Taking Actions (Thinking, Speaking, Acting) from there, a time will come when we will effortlessly vibrate with the energy of our Whole Soul and Big Mind, moment to moment, creating a Life we love in alignment with our Dream Lifestyle.


4. Intention Creation

When we have made the Conscious Choice to Shift our Energy to the energy of our Whole Soul and our Big Mind, then we are ready to transform every problem, breakdown, challenge, obstacle, trouble into a breakthrough. 

Translate every breakdown in the form of an intention through Generative Language. Here's an article on Creating and fulfilling your Intentions with velocity

The difference between intentions and desires is that intentions are intense burning desires that we are committed to bring into reality by courageously and consistently being in action to do that.

Intentions have 7 characteristics:
i. They are written in the present tense.
ii. They are written in visual language, meaning they accurately describe the outcome such that we can visualise the outcome as we read our intention.
iii. Intentions are emotive, meaning words that express our emotions on fulfilment of our intentions are used to structure the intention. We feel right now, in the moment, the emotions that we would experience at the fulfilment of the intention; for the intention to become the place to come from, instead of as the place to go to.
iv. Gratitude is the world's most creative and powerful force. When there is Gratitude in our Consciousness, no other emotion can exist. By stepping into Gratitude, we can dissolve the Hole in the Soul and the small mind. Gratitude becomes naturally available to us in Gear 2, the 2nd Leadership Muscle (Being of Service), though we begin to practise Gratitude right from the start. Therefore, intentions are written in the form of Gratitudes.
v. Intentions are short, sweet and simple; rather than long-winding and complex for the mind to process the intention.
vi. Intentions are joyously inspirational. They bring stars to our eyes, joy to our heart, stillness to our mind, dance to our feet, song on our lips.
vii. Intentions leave us with the experience of Joyous Freedom. All stress dissolves as we read the intention.

Here are some examples of how to translate Breakdowns into Intentions using Generative Language. Problems are stated in Descriptive Language. Problems describe Reality as it is. Intentions are written in Generative Language. Intentions describes the New Reality that we intend to generate.

i. Problem Statement (Descriptive Language describing the current reality): My Marketing Leader is neither responsible nor effective. 

Intention (Generative Language generating the new Reality that I want to create): I am happy and grateful that our Marketing leads the industry in creativity and innovation, supporting us to grow our business with velocity. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

ii. Problem Statement (Descriptive Language describing the current reality): We are losing market share and making losses, quarter on quarter.

Intention (Generative Language generating the new Reality that I want to create): I am happy and grateful that we are market leaders, effortlessly making profits, quarter on quarter with me and my team enjoying working with each other, learning to be the best  and making a massive difference to our customers who are grateful for our contribution to them and their business. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 

iii. Problem Statement (Descriptive Language describing the current reality): My stomach is burning, my body is aching and I am feeling low energy.

Intention (Generative Language generating the new Reality that I want to create): I am happy and grateful to experience moment by moment joyous well-being and joy of being alive in every cell of my body; making me feel refreshed and rejuvenated. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


5. Playing to Win

After translating the problem into a powerful intention, do the 3 tests of beliefs to test if you are still in the energy of your Whole Soul and Big Mind:
i, Do I believe I can fulfil on this Intention? 
ii. Do I believe others are supporting me to fulfil this Intention?
iii. Do I believe the Universe is supporting me to fulfil this Intention?

The answer would be a No if you slid down to the energy of your Hole in the Soul and small mind. If the answer is No to any one of the questions above, make the Choice to Believe by being a Yes to each one of the questions above. You can make that choice and shift your Energy to the energy of your Whole Soul and Big Mind.

When you are in the energy of your Hole in the Soul and small mind, your Creative Mind shuts down and Survival Mind takes over. When you are in the energy of your Whole Soul and Big Mind, fear and scarcity sourced Survival Mind shuts downs; and the love and abundance sourced Creative Thrival Mind takes over. 

From the energy of your Creative Thrival Mind, write down a powerful Structure of Success - a set of powerful, effective, precise Inputs Actions with dates - which would guarantee the fulfilment of the intention.

Playing to win would be to take these actions irrespective of chaos within or outside by the date you said you would, the way you meant to. And, then, irrespective of the outcome, continue to make the choice to be happy, fulfilled and grateful. This would be possible if we are doing our daily RYD Growth Habits. The next step would be to go back to reflect on the intention, change it in a way that resonates or leave it as it is if the resonance continues to be 10 on 10. Make the choice to believe across the three tests of beliefs. Update the structure of success based on new information gathered by taking actions to fulfil the intention. Take actions as per the updated structure of success, irrespective of chaos within or outside. Irrespective of the outcome, make the choice to be happy, fulfilled and grateful. Go back to reflect on the intention. .... and the cycle continues till Reality shifts in alignment with our intention.

Every breakdown is a breakthrough wrapped up in an ugly paper. We just need to learn to unwrap it the right way to access the breakthrough. ​As we take action with commitment, sincerity and joyous equanimity to transform every breakdown into a breakthrough using the process of Intention Fulfilment, we grow exactly the way we needed to in order to unleash our highest potential. Every breakdown is designed like that. Transforming every breakdown into a breakthrough leads us to become the greatest versions of ourselves. The Obstacle is the Way.

Keep creating to joyously lead yourself and your business from good to great, realize your dreams and have it all with ease and grace; while having lots of fun along the way 💜

Loving you,
​j.