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AuthorCEO Coach 
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AuthorCEO Coach
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July 2024
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 Everywhere you look, you have overwhelming deluge of ideas and inspiration to make this New Year your best year ever. And, within a week or maybe a month, most new year resolutions and commitments end up under the carpet. Here's why and how to make them work for you: 1. Recent research shows that when our identity-based intentions (those which make us feel good about ourselves) are noticed by others, we are less likely to translate them into action. For example, if you declare to your friends that you will spend more time with your kids this year, you are less likely to follow through because the declaration itself made you feel like a good parent and gave you a false sense of identity completeness. A good idea would be to keep your intentions to yourself so that you don't get a sense of completion simply by declaring your intention to an audience. Share, of course, with your Mastermind Group who holds you to account to your intentions and creates a space for you to be bigger than who you are. 2. You are more likely to follow through if you think about and express your intentions to others in ways that emphasize how what you’re going to do is valuable and desirable to you in its own right, not just as a way to bolster your identity and make you feel good. For example, it would be better to express your intention to spend more time with your kids by declaring - I will spend more time with the kids this year because I love being with them and they really need me at this moment. 3. Telling others does actually make you more likely to do it, only as long as you really want to do it. Your declaration - I will read more and watch less TV this year - will work only if you really want to read more. Ultimately, what you end up doing is almost always what you really want. Therefore, if you ended up not following through on a particularly resolution / intention, it is usually because you weren't really committed to doing it right at the start. It was more like a desire, than a powerful intention. Dispassionately assess each new year resolution to know if it is a mere wish or you really have a deep burning desire for living it. 4. Having outcome goals is not enough, you must have process goals which give you a roadmap to create the outcomes. If your outcome goal is to be 75 Kgs and currently you are 100 Kgs, then your process goals could be - Diet Management (cut out white food products, weekly fruit diet, one raw vegetable meal a day etc.), Daily 30-minute run, Weekly Golf game etc. Not having process goals give you no access to what actions to take on a daily basis to create the outcome. It is only in taking daily tiny action do the big resolutions get fulfilled. 5. Another major reason why resolutions don't stick around till the end of the year is that human memory is unreliable. It is really a case of out of sight, out of mind. If you don't have a structure to review your new year resolutions daily, you will miss out on taking actions to create the outcomes for the year. If your intention for the year is to be fit and be a certain weight, having that intention written out where you will read it everyday will remind you to take action. What I get my clients to do before the beginning of every year is to have a ONE-PAGER PLAN to carry around with them: a. Personal Inner Commitment of who you are committed to be. b. Your Big Dream for the year. c. Your Top 5 Values, which is your promise of how you would respond to everything that shows up in your world. d. Your Top 5 Outcome Goals spanning all the 5 areas of your wheel of life - deeply fulfilling successful career, loving harmonious relationships, happy responsible kids with their genius joyfully expressed, nourishing nurturing me-time and making a difference e. Your Top 10 Process Goals to realize your outcome goals above 6. Ofcourse, make your new year resolutions SMART a. Specific and not generic. You should know what specifically you would hear, see and feel if you fulfilled your intention. Also, writing your intentions in the present tense helps you to visualize the outcome, making action taking a lot easier than otherwise. Not just 'I want to be fit'. 'I am fit, feel energetic and positive right through the day, hear people tell me how good I look and I love who I see in the mirror.' is definitely more action inspiring. b. Measurable so that you know whether you achieved it or not. 'I want to be fit' isn't an effective resolution. I want to be fit with my perfect weight of 75 Kgs has a much better chance of getting you to do something about it because you can track your progress along the year. c. Who defines Achievable? Only you. Take an outcome goal that you BELIEVE (mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually) you can achieve. The belief is what determines whether it is achievable or not. A word of caution here - sometimes we want to so desperately create something but deeply hidden in the layers of our mind is the belief of not really being good enough to create it. Since our evolution has been survival / fear based, all humans have 3 basic fears - I am not good enough; I am all alone; I am not important enough. It is important to work with your coach through these fears to increase your performance, productivity and effectiveness. d. Again, who defines what is Realistic? Only you. It is about you believing with your heart, mind, body and soul that your outcomes can be realistically created. e. Ofcourse, New Year resolutions are timebound by having the end of the year as the day of the reckoning. 7. TAKING ACTION DAILY. Nothing from 1 to 6 above will shift anything if this is missing. To take daily action; you need energy, belief and commitment. Learning to increase each of these requires you to have mental, physical, emotional and spiritual Growth Habits; allowing you to remove the curtain between you and You, between you and your inner Light to be bigger than who you are right now, to make the Big Dent in the Universe that you were born for. Claim 2019 as your year and create the Life you are meant for. Love, Jyoti.
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 One of the entrepreneurs in the session I was leading yesterday was curious to know why I have a coach, though I am a coach and for how long would I work with a coach. I loved the questions, so taking time to reflect on them more deeply than the brief discussion we had during the session. First, lets define a coach. Just like a railway coach, the job of a human coach is to be the vehicle for transporting the passengers / coachees from point A to point B in their life journey. Sure, you can travel on foot instead of catching a train or taking some other transport; just that the velocity with which you will reach your destination will vary. Here’s my personal definition of a coach. A coach’s job is to support their clients to realise their greatest, unimaginable, impossible dreams in deepest communion with their highest self while having it all - a deeply fulfilling successful career / business, loving harmonious relationships, happy responsible kids with their genius joyfully expressed, lots of nourishing nurturing me-time and making a huge difference in the world through living their purpose this lifetime. The way a coach delivers on the above is by coaching their clients to be in perfect health and well-being across the four bodies of their Being - physical, emotional, intellectual / mental, spiritual. Without the highest level of fitness across the four bodies, we don’t have enough inner strength to embark on the journey to fulfil on our purpose this lifetime to realise our dreams and have it all. The job of a coach isn’t to motivate but to connect their clients to their inner inspiration that brings stars to their eyes, dance in their feet, a song on their lips, a smile in their heart and joyous stillness in their mind so that their clients are unstoppable in taking powerful effective actions to realise their greatest dreams; however unimaginable, however impossible, however scary. The job of a coach isn’t to give solutions but to lead their clients from their present questions to even bigger questions because it is the quality of our questions that determines whether we will ever throw off the lampshade to let our inner Light shine brightly. We may waste our entire life solving the wrong questions. A coach leads us to the right questions and our inner wisdom that truly guides us forward on our path. A coach’s job is to show the mirror to their clients so that they can discover their own blind spots, their inner barriers that they are blind to that give them limited or no results in different areas of their wheel of life. Our only access to dropping our inner barriers is by self-discovering them instead of being told. It is the skill of a coach that aids this self-discovery. A coach also coaches through modelling the behaviour, thoughts, skills, emotions, attitudes, mindset, heartset, healthset, soulset they know would serve their clients. That, in fact, is the way humans learn; not through information but by seeing others taking action because of what are known as mirror neurons. Therefore, if I want my clients to be coachable; I have to be coachable. If I want to support my clients to realize their unimaginable, impossible dreams by going to places inside that scare them, by facing their deepest fears, darkest secrets and embracing their resistances; I have to be on the journey to realise my unimaginable, impossible dreams by going to places inside that scare me, by ongoingly facing my deepest fears, darkest secrets and embracing my resistances by doing exactly what I fear, what I resist and sharing my darkest secrets with another being so that those fears, resistances, secrets no longer have a hold on me. That also means I need someone to show me the mirror so that I can discover my blind spots for me to go beyond. I need someone to model for me growth habits so that I can inculcate them in me because our mirror neurons support us to learn with speed by mirroring others. That is why a wise advice is to choose your company carefully because we become the average of five people we hang around the most with. I need someone to lead me to greater questions and connect me to my inner wisdom through what is known as a socratic discussion or a conversation where you are lead with questions to facilitate self-inquiry. I need someone who holds the space for my inner Light to shine brightly. That is why I have not one but five coaches - karate, yoga, fitness, golf, and a coach supporting me to realise my greatest dreams in deepest communion with my highest self while having it all. And, I am on a lookout for more coaches because I want to live more each moment, create more than what would have been possible otherwise, love and give so much more beyond the paper-ghost fears that hold me back. When will I no longer need a coach? When I don’t want to grow anymore. I hope I have the wisdom never to end up in that spot. Am I dependent on my coaches? Is that not dependency, neediness? I and my coaches have a relationship of equals, just as I and my clients have a relationship of equals. To the degree I grow, to the same degree they grow. To the same degree they grow, to the same degree I grow. That is mirror neurons at play. So, when my clients connect back with me many years later thanking me with gratitude for the difference I made in their lives; I turn towards them with loving joyous gratitude in my heart and thank them deeply for the difference they made to my life by being coachable and choosing me as their coach because I am privy to the secret that I am going to share with you now. There was a time nothing was working for me and then, I had a moment of epiphany as I was lit up with the realisation that the only way I will get what I want is to give it to others. I knew this intellectually before but in that moment, it was a visceral experience. The knowing came from deep within. As I have helped my clients build their businesses, discover and connect to their authentic selves, nurture loving harmonious relationships, raise happy responsible kids, realise their greatest dreams, create health and well-being across the four bodies of their Being, find time to nurture and nourish themselves while contributing to their customer & employee communities and people in their lives, experience fun, fulfilment, freedom; I found the very same things come alive in my own life. To the degree I gave, to that exact degree it became alive in my life. It is interesting that great people from two very different fields arrived at the same truth and shared it with the world in their words: Isaac Newton’s 3rd Law - Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. St Francis of Assisi in a prayer that I love and connect so deeply with - It’s in giving that we receive. Should you have a coach? The answer to that lies within you. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I have experienced the truth of that. When you are ready, the coach right for you will show up. How do you know the coach is right for you? It just feels right. Wishing you the joy of the journey. Love, Jyoti. Reference: Mirror Neurons - The most powerful learning tool |
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