Why Does a Coach Need a Coach?

One of the entrepreneurs in the session I was leading yesterday was curious to know why I have a coach, though I am a coach and for how long would I work with a coach. I loved the questions, so taking time to reflect on them more deeply than the brief discussion we had during the session.

First, lets define a coach. Just like a railway coach, the job of a human coach is to be the vehicle for transporting the passengers / coachees from point A to point B in their life journey. Sure, you can travel on foot instead of catching a train or taking some other transport; just that the velocity with which you will reach your destination will vary.

Here’s my personal definition of a coach. A coach’s job is to support their clients to realise their greatest, unimaginable, impossible dreams in deepest communion with their highest self while having it all - a deeply fulfilling successful career / business, loving harmonious relationships, happy responsible kids with their genius joyfully expressed, lots of nourishing nurturing me-time and making a huge difference in the world through living their purpose this lifetime.

The way a coach delivers on the above is by coaching their clients to be in perfect health and well-being across the four bodies of their Being - physical, emotional, intellectual / mental, spiritual. Without the highest level of fitness across the four bodies, we don’t have enough inner strength to embark on the journey to fulfil on our purpose this lifetime to realise our dreams and have it all.

The job of a coach isn’t to motivate but to connect their clients to their inner inspiration that brings stars to their eyes, dance in their feet, a song on their lips, a smile in their heart and joyous stillness in their mind so that their clients are unstoppable in taking powerful effective actions to realise their greatest dreams; however unimaginable, however impossible, however scary.

The job of a coach isn’t to give solutions but to lead their clients from their present questions to even bigger questions because it is the quality of our questions that determines whether we will ever throw off the lampshade to let our inner Light shine brightly. We may waste our entire life solving the wrong questions. A coach leads us to the right questions and our inner wisdom that truly guides us forward on our path.

A coach’s job is to show the mirror to their clients so that they can discover their own blind spots, their inner barriers that they are blind to that give them limited or no results in different areas of their wheel of life. Our only access to dropping our inner barriers is by self-discovering them instead of being told. It is the skill of a coach that aids this self-discovery.

A coach also coaches through modelling the behaviour, thoughts, skills, emotions, attitudes, mindset, heartset, healthset, soulset they know would serve their clients. That, in fact, is the way humans learn; not through information but by seeing others taking action because of what are known as mirror neurons.

Therefore, if I want my clients to be coachable; I have to be coachable. If I want to support my clients to realize their unimaginable, impossible dreams by going to places inside that scare them, by facing their deepest fears, darkest secrets and embracing their resistances; I have to be on the journey to realise my unimaginable, impossible dreams by going to places inside that scare me, by ongoingly facing my deepest fears, darkest secrets and embracing my resistances by doing exactly what I fear, what I resist and sharing my darkest secrets with another being so that those fears, resistances, secrets no longer have a hold on me.

​That also means I need someone to show me the mirror so that I can discover my blind spots for me to go beyond. I need someone to model for me growth habits so that I can inculcate them in me because our mirror neurons support us to learn with speed by mirroring others. That is why a wise advice is to choose your company carefully because we become the average of five people we hang around the most with. I need someone to lead me to greater questions and connect me to my inner wisdom through what is known as a socratic discussion or a conversation where you are lead with questions to facilitate self-inquiry. I need someone who holds the space for my inner Light to shine brightly.

That is why I have not one but five coaches - karate, yoga, fitness, golf, and a coach supporting me to realise my greatest dreams in deepest communion with my highest self while having it all.

And, I am on a lookout for more coaches because I want to live more each moment, create more than what would have been possible otherwise, love and give so much more beyond the paper-ghost fears that hold me back.

When will I no longer need a coach? When I don’t want to grow anymore. I hope I have the wisdom never to end up in that spot.

Am I dependent on my coaches? Is that not dependency, neediness? I and my coaches have a relationship of equals, just as I and my clients have a relationship of equals. To the degree I grow, to the same degree they grow. To the same degree they grow, to the same degree I grow. That is mirror neurons at play. So, when my clients connect back with me many years later thanking me with gratitude for the difference I made in their lives; I turn towards them with loving joyous gratitude in my heart and thank them deeply for the difference they made to my life by being coachable and choosing me as their coach because I am privy to the secret that I am going to share with you now.

There was a time nothing was working for me and then, I had a moment of epiphany as I was lit up with the realisation that the only way I will get what I want is to give it to others. I knew this intellectually before but in that moment, it was a visceral experience. The knowing came from deep within. As I have helped my clients build their businesses, discover and connect to their authentic selves, nurture loving harmonious relationships, raise happy responsible kids, realise their greatest dreams, create health and well-being across the four bodies of their Being, find time to nurture and nourish themselves while contributing to their customer & employee communities and people in their lives, experience fun, fulfilment, freedom; I found the very same things come alive in my own life. To the degree I gave, to that exact degree it became alive in my life.

It is interesting that great people from two very different fields arrived at the same truth and shared it with the world in their words:

Isaac Newton’s 3rd Law - Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

St Francis of Assisi in a prayer that I love and connect so deeply with  - It’s in giving that we receive.

Should you have a coach? The answer to that lies within you. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. I have experienced the truth of that. When you are ready, the coach right for you will show up. How do you know the coach is right for you? It just feels right.

Wishing you the joy of the journey.

Love, Jyoti.

Reference:
Mirror Neurons - The most powerful learning tool